An Imaginary Birthday Present

Ok! So, you know that I have recently taken writing seriously and during this journey I've met some new, wonderful people, authors like myself, who have either already been published or were in the process of being published. One writer in particular is the fabulous Jenny Phillips. You may have heard me mention her, she has a short in  Darklight, the  Anthology which was published by Crushing Hearts & Black Butterflies earlier this year. If you haven't gotten a copy, I would suggest you do so! It's a great way to check out different authors since it's full of a variety of different paranormal stories by various writers. Jennys story is titled The Kiss. I loved it!! You should check it out. Here's the cover for Gifted!!!

Gifted by Jenny Phillips

Now, getting back to my story........... Yesterday I got a message from Jenny asking if I would be interested in reading her book "Gifted" which will be out in August of this year. I was driving when the message came through on my phone and of course like a bad driver I read it, nearly running over a pedestrian in the process. My bad! I was so excited at the prospect of reading a book that hasn't even reached store shelves! There was a distinct "Wooooo hoooo!" coming from my Jeep as I barrelled down M-139!

After all of the kids were tucked in bed last night, I made a cup of tea and took my laptop to bed where I started reading Gifted. It was already past my bedtime but I said "Just one chapter" and then I would shut the computer down and go to sleep. One chapter ended and I said "One more!". I read and read and read until it was officially three hours into my birthday!

I know when Jenny asked me if I would be interested in reading her book, she didn't intend on it being a birthday gift but I am imagining that she did because it makes me feel special!

Ok. So, more about the book. I'm not going to give anything away but I wanted to tell you how much I'm enjoying it so you can add it to your to read list on goodreads! You're on goodreads, right? Well, look it up, they have an iphone app! It's lovely. You can keep track of what you've read, what you want to read and it's a great way to keep up with what authors are reading! I love that! Authors don't just write you know, they read too!

When I get a new book, I treat it like a new acquaintance, taking my time getting to know them before I decide whether or not I like them and want to continue giving this person or (book) a chance. It did not take me long to decide I wanted to give Gifted more of my time! I knew immediately I would want to see this through to the end and didn't want to waste time doing it! I wanted to keep reading until I was finished with the book. But, I had to sleep and today I have to renew my licence......say cheese! So, I am having a hard time not reading more of the book!

I'm currently on chapter 13 and I can't stop thinking about what is going on! I can't tell you what is going on, sorry! You'll have to wait til August! lol But, it has drawn me in and I want to know more about the characters. That's what I look for in a book, characters that I can fall in love with or even hate! I love to hate a character in a book. Call me crazy but I love it!

If you're on facebook, or you're a book lover and like to support talented individuals, do yourself a favor and check out the page for Gifted. I can't add a link because my iphone app for blogger will not let me. But, check it out! Add Gifted by Jenny Phillips on Goodreads!! And a special thanks to Jenny for letting me believe that my early viewing of her book was a GIFT!! :)

Pardon the mess, we're making memories here.

Many, many years ago when my boys were very young and rambunxcious my ex husband and I bought a very nice dining room table, chairs and a bench to match from Target. We got it on uber clearance and I was so happy to get it home and set it up. And yes target at one time sold nice furniture. I imagined all of the memories we would have at that table.

My vision and his vision differed greatly. I envisioned the boys sitting at the table doing homework, working on crafts with me and then there were the family dinners. He on the other hand laid down some ground rules. There would be no hot wheels cars on the table because the wheels could scratch the table. If you're going to sit at the table and do homework, make sure you're not pressing too hard with your pen or pencil because it could leave marks. And for the love of bacon do not EVER drag your dinner plate across table! OH! And PAINT! No painting unless the table is covered with plastic!

From then on, each time the boys sat at the table I had to watch them like a hawk, making sure there wouldn't be any damage to the table, for fear that the ex would be upset. Remember that for the longest time, his happiness was way more important than my own and I was silly enough to live that way. The dining room table became more of a stress to me than a happy memory.

Then, my ex and I split up and I found myself standing in the dining room staring at that table. I wanted to drag the damn thing out into the front yard and set fire to it, along with all of his things. He seemed to care about it's well being more than our own marriage at times.

Now, before you think that I'm writing this post to toss my ex under the bus, think again. There is a moral to this story. And I'm about to attempt to make up for busting him out by saying something nice about him. Hang on...................Ok. I got something. In his defense, he works hard and he never wanted anything that he used his hard earned money on to be mistreated. In his eyes, the table was being mistreated when the kids made marks on it. He wasn't trying to be an @ss. Ok. now I need to wash my mouth out with soap.

I didn't see the marks and scratches as a bad thing. This is how we differed. My kids are growing up so fast and each time they sit at the table and leave a mark, they are leaving evidence that they were there, painting, writing, drawing, eating. I need this evidence. I want those things to be the things that I hold on to. We're making memories here!!!

So this post came about because when I got up this morning the toddler wanted to sit down and paint while I had my coffee. So I set her up with the paint and her bird house that has about 20 layers of paint because she just can't get it right in her eyes. I let her paint and didn't put plastic under her work area. And as you can see, it was messy.

When she was done, I looked at her progress and the first thing that came to mind was, wow the ex would lose his mind if he saw that and for a split second I felt like I should hurry to clean it up but in the end, I left it. Because, it isn't hurting anyone and I am the master of this table now! :)

So the moral of the story..... Your kids will make a mess because they are kids. You can either freak out about it or take it in stride. I suggest you save yourself some stress and look at the bright side...... At least you have kids to make these memories! Imagine life with out them! I can live without a pristine table! Not without happy kids!

Today, the role of Monday will be played by Thursday.

I know it's thursday but it sure does feel like monday.

This morning, I overslept. So, I was already completely thrown off and then the toddler did not want to get out of bed so she fought tooth and nail when I attempted to put clothes on her. I had to drop the good cop routine and use my "boss lady" tone and that never goes well because she becomes even more defiant just to be spiteful.

Time to go BOYS! Everybody in the Jeep? Good...........motoring down the road................CRAP! I need gas!....................Where's my purse?........................$hit!.............Let's see, I have $10 hidden in my console. (now you know) Stopping for gas................Pumping gas..........Oh! No!........I wasn't paying attention. Boys do you have a couple bucks?.....................Walk in the store to pay for my twelve dollars worth of gas, which will barely get me through the day...........I am sure I have a pillow crease on my face....who cares.

The drop off was a success. I managed to make it through the parking lot without hitting or threatening any teachers or students............or angry bus drivers. The day is looking up. Thank you. The toddler is sleeping in the back seat and awww! She looks so peaceful!

I get home, park in the garage, quietly open the back door to remove the toddler and she wakes up, screaming at me to put her back!! "NOW!"

"I don't want to go home!" she screams! Ok. So earlier you didn't want to leave the warmth of the bed and now you don't want to leave the Jeep. I don't have enough gas to drive around town all morning looking at random things. Let's go! Mama needs coffee!

We make it into the house without any further issues. She goes her way, I go mine. Both of us are in desperate need of alone time. I more importantly need coffee. So, I take the old coffee grounds out of the coffee pot to dump them in the trash and completely miss the trash can! Plop! Right onto the floor! How does this happen, you ask? Well, the sight of the overflowing trash caught me off gaurd and enraged me and somehow I lost all focus and well, there you have it. We have a mess in the floor.

This is something that I constantly bitch about in my house. THE TRASH! It does not empty itself. I have never once seen someone living in my home take it upon themselves to empty the trash can. They will continue to strategically pile trash on the top until I yell or take it out myself and this morning it was piled so utterly sky high that I had to remove trash to even find the trash bag!!!!!!!!!!!!

Deep breathes my child. Inhale. Exhale. It's not monday. Monday is not here anymore. It's Thursday. Wooooo-sa!

So, now I have located the trash bag to pull it out of the can. I'm pulling, the bag is moving and suddenly the trash itself, drops right out of the bottom of the trash bag because the bag is ripped.

THE TRASH BAG IS RIPPED. I might cry.

Liar. It is monday. I just know it.

I don't have to worry about sweeping up the coffee grinds and putting them in with the rest of the trash because the rest of the trash is now on the floor with the coffee grounds and I'm sitting here at my makeshift desk blogging while the sun shines in on my pastey white skin.

I'll clean the mess up after my first cup of coffee.

Times are changing

I remember when I was a young mama and I stayed up late, watching movies after the kids went to bed. I would pop a bag of popcorn, fill a cup with ice and drink two cans of dew. In the morning I would get up early, get the kids ready for school and walk them to school with a skip in my step and then I would work an 8 hour shift at the hospital.

Now....... I stay up late waiting for the dryer or the washer to stop so the kids have clean clothes in the morning. When my alarm goes off in the morning, about 20 minutes before we have to leave the house, I can barely drag myself out of bed to drive the kids to school! Most mornings I leave the house in my pajamas, no makeup, bed head and a pillow crease across my face!

Times are changing folks! The kids are growing up. I remember when the safety talk only involved a speech about wearing a helmet when they rode their bike. Now, it's something totally different!

It makes me sad to think that soon I will watch them move out, get married and have a life of their own. I relish nights like this when I'm up late because the lid to the washer didn't get shut and one of the kids desperately needs a shirt out of it in the morning. I'd do it a million times. I'm not complaining!

Inspire me

I've been talking about doing this for a while now and I don't want you to think that I wouldn't follow through. I've been busy, I'm sorry. So here it goes.

I've wanted to feature people who have followed a dream, inspired me or others to move forward and also follow a dream. I also wanted my first post in this series to be someone special to me, who holds a special place in my heart. So I chose my cousin and good friend, Sarah.

Let me tell you a little bit about her. She is a single mother, raising a daughter, going to school, working full time, learning to cook........lol. Had to throw that last part in.

Sarah, for the most part, has lived in Michigan her entire life except for a short time when she tried her luck in Sin City, Las Vegas. She also moved to Jacksonville, Florida where she became a die hard Jaguars fan. If she wasn't taking classes, being a Mom or at a football game she was at Disney World, her happy place. She is a bit of a Disney fanatic! I recently made a sloppy attempt to interview her. Here's what I found out.............

1. Tell me why you recently went to Disney World. Other than to escape the insane cold.....and to be alone with your significant other.......... and see the sunshine and mickey mouse.

I recently went to Walt Disney World to participate in the Tangled, Royal Family 5K run/walk during the Princess 1/2 Marathon weekend. This was my second time participating in such a neat event. I even was able to improve my time by 10 minutes. I trained for 2 months before I went to increase my speed and endurance. Doing the 5k was a very good feeling of accomplishment and it was neat to be a part of something.

2. Tell me about the disney travel planning you do. How did you get into it?

I am an Authorized Disney Vacation Planner through Off to Neverland Travel. I specialize in planning dream vacations for families and individuals to all of the Disney Destinations including Walt Disney World in Florida, Disneyland in California and Disney Cruise Lines for example. There are many other worldwide destinations in the Disney Destinations family that I can help plan too. My service is to do all of the nitty-gritty travel planning for my clients so that all they have do is enjoy their vacation. There is not a fee for my service, I am paid a commision through my agency which they receive from Disney. I got into Disney vacation planning because I am a Disney fanatic all around, love anything to do with Disney, so I thought it would be fun to help others enjoy something that I love. I did some research on it and came across one of the limited agencies that are authorized and Earmarked by Disney to do Disney travel. I had to go through an interview plus training and also complete Disney's College of Knowledge in order to become authorized myself.

3. What's next? What are doing for yourself right now, or hope to do in the future?

Next for me would be to complete my Bachelor's degree and to figure out what I want to do when I grow up. I would really like to make the Disney travel my primary profession but that will take some time. I really enjoy travel and want to incorporate that as a full time career. I also have decided that I would like to do the 1/2 marathon at Disney some day. It may not happen next year but I am setting a goal of participating and completing it in 2014. It is alot more strenous than the 5K. For right now I am focusing on making myself more of priority and doing some activities that I enjoy like reading, working out at the gym and cross-stitching. It always seems like the things I love take a back seat to the rest of my life and too much is passing by. I have begun to learn that life is short and if you don't make time for the things you enjoy to do, you never will.

I know you're probably thinking "Shameless plug for Disney" but that is not the case here. I want to exploit people who have realized that happiness comes from within, by following dreams, giving back to others and I think that Sarah is in the process of figuring it out. I'm proud of her for juggling all of the things that she does.

She's still trying to figure out what she wants to do with the rest of her life but she hasn't stopped chasing her dream. I hope this inspires you to chase a dream. You can do it if you put your heart into it!! It may not be easy but it will be worth it in the end. Proving to yourself that you can do something is such an awesome feeling!

So, get out there and do something with your life!!!

Stereotype this

I am so unbelievably sick of people assuming that because a person has tattoos or piercings that they are a hoodlum. I've gone over this before. It's a typical stereotype but here's one that I'm learning more and more about lately......... People who read or write fantasy, paranormal or sci-fi books are crazy or as one writer is finding out "evil".

I read a lot! I especially read in public. So i am often faced with the question of what are you reading? I use to lie and say " a Nicholas Sparks book" because I didn't want to explain why I am fascinated with vampires or werewolves. But lately I just don't care so I tell people I am reading blah blah blah and it's about a vampire...... Then I get an eye roll and a snotty laugh. It's annoying! Please do not judge a person by the books they read!

They say you should never judge a book by its cover. Well please do not judge a writer by her genre of book either! Just because someone writes about vampires or violence, it does not mean that that person is a serial killer or has murderous tendencies. It means they have an amazing imagination and hold the ability to broaden their horizons through story telling.

We unknowingly teach our children to stereotype at an early age. When my son was a wee little lad, we were at Lowes waiting in line to pay for some paint. Our cashier was very friendly and asked my son if he was having a good day. So of course he felt chatty and decided to strike up a conversation. He asked "are you a basketball player?" and the girl said "why would you say that? Is it because I'm 6 ft 3 inches tall?". My son answered "No! Because you're black!" and I thought the girl would die laughing. I was embarrassed. She didnt take any offense to it and he didn't mean to be offensive but I felt bad because I realized that he saw things as black or white. Not human. From then on, I watched everything I said to him!

So today I touched base with the kids because I've been feeling the pressure from the idiots who try to make me feel silly for reading the things i do and reminded them that someone's outer shell should never be what you judge them by and that they should never judge a person by their preferences!

And don't judge a man by his shoe size or a woman by her hair color.

So please think twice before you slap that label on someone. That guy listening to death metal could be your soul mate!

Decisions. Decisions.

When I was pregnant with my daughter I had sleep issues. I could barely get myself moving during the day and then at night I couldn't sleep. So I camped out on my huge plush couch with a healthy snack (not usually) and a good movie or book.

Maybe I had sleep issues because I had so much on my mind; choosing a name was a top priority for me and honestly I did stress over it. I wanted my baby girl to have a strong name. I wanted her to have a unique name. So as I read books and watched movies I paid attention to character names.

One night, after the boys went to bed I popped the rented movie I had into the DVD player, popped a bag of popcorn and cuddled up on the couch; just like I had done so many nights before.

Let me back track a bit. My boys, who were barely teenagers at the time were constantly making name suggestions and even though it was a sweet gesture I felt I didn't need help picking out a name. But one night as I was hunkered down with a good book, my oldest son came out of his room, barely awake and suggested a name. I said "hmmm? That's a cool name" sent him back to bed and went back to my book, filing the name in the back of my head with all of the other names.

So back to movie night. There I was lounging with my popcorn and hot sauce, watching Doomsday. I like a good action movie and it certainly had a lot of that. It also had a strong female character which I instantly fell in love with. She was a total bad ass and as I watched the movie I tried to figure out her name. They only called her "major" or "Sinclair"; her last name. I had to know her name. I literally said out loud" I will name my baby girl after this chick!" and then a part of the movie came along where someone asks " what did they call you before they called you major?" and she said "Eden".

I gasped when I heard the name because, you see, it was the same name my son suggested after stumbling out of his bedroom that night. The name I filed to the back of my mind. The same name he didn't remember suggesting the next morning! He had no idea where he heard it from or why he even suggested it! Weird.

It's amazing how the things you think are the most important decisions in the world are so easily brought to light. I did name my baby girl Eden an she is beautiful and bad and I love her to pieces. I bring this up because I'm laying in bed watching Doomsday and it reminded me of how I was so silly to stress over naming my baby like I did. Don't stress about things, especially the what-ifs! Make your decision and don't question it later. Just wallow in the greatness of each gifted day!

Dear Spring,

Dear Spring,

It seems there has been a misunderstanding. I was under the impression that you would be in town by now. I made plans based on your arrival and it pains me to say that now those plans have been shot all to hell.

I realize that Michigan is not a hot spot and we don't host the most appealing functions but you do have to admit when it comes to dysfunctional people, we have it going on!

On another note..... I'm going to have to insist that you show your face soon. Please don't think that quickie you blessed us with last month is going to quiet us! No! We need to see a little more action. Please! I'm begging you. If you don't show up soon, I do not know what I will do!

Sincerely,
Everyone who is tired of this 40 degree weather

Stay away from my corn flakes

When I worked at the hospital I had the pleasure of working with a very vocal nurse from New Jersey. Some people didn't know how to take her or even like her but I enjoyed working with her. What I loved more was her way with words. She had a way of saying things without coming out and saying them.

Or sometimes she would just come out and say it like it was. Anyway, I remember one phrase in particular......." who pissed in your corn flakes this morning?" pardon my language!

Today, it feels like someone pissed in my corn flakes. It has been one thing after another but I held my head high and let it roll off of my back but when the rest of the family started filing in from work and school with their bad moods, it weighed on me and I'm having a hard time rolling with the punches!

I made an awesome dessert! Why can't everyone just stand in the freakin' kitchen and admire it, letting their bad day roll off their back! It's an awesome dessert! Desserts are like puppies and kittens! Their suppose to put a smile on your face and make you forget that your day was the equivalent to CRAP !

So for the love of dessert! Snap out of your bad mood or you will not get one single bite of this tasty freakin' dessert!

Don't stand so....Don't stand so.....

Let this be a lesson to anyone who can't respect my personal space when standing in line at the grocery store. Today, I had to run out to get a few ingredients for a tasty recipe I found on pinterest for a  pretzel dessert. (I will try to share the link but my computer isn't cooperating in that area) Anyway, I grabbed everything on my list and a few 2 liters of Mt. Dew because we're going to a cook out this evening and I always  bring my own dew to hoard and dish out to the people I feel are worthy of the drink.

SO, there I was, standing in line. The man behind me is totally on my rear! I mean, he is standing so close I can feel him breathing on my neck! I inch forward and he follows suit. This goes on for a while until I finally get smart and put my cart in between me and him. While this is all going on, the toddler is in the cart playing with her barbie. Bless her for being so good. When it was time to unload our groceries onto the belt, she decided to help me! BONUS!

I keep the 2 liters in the child seat of the cart and the toddler always sits with the groceries. I just don't want her rolling the pop all around the cart and shaking it up. So, while she is helping me unload things she reaches for a 2 liter that is sitting in the child seat. It slips out of her hand and falls through the leg hole of the cart.....................................And hits the floor, bouncing sky high!

This all happened in slow motion! I'm literally biting a knuckle to keep myself from screaming profanities while the toddler is yelling "Wow!". The neck breather jumps back just as the 2 liter plummets to the ground where he was standing. The cap to the bottle shoots off, barely missing his face and spews Mt. Dew all over the guy!!!

I am not kidding you! Like a juvenile I laughed so hard! Literally, OUT LOUD! He was not happy!

"You got me good, didn't ya?" he asked, as if I was trying to drench him with pop! I explained to him that it was an accident but he was still mad! He asked who was going to clean up the mess. I told him "probably the janitor" but he kept insisting that I did it on purpose. I reminded him that I was not the one who dropped the bottle and that it wasn't my daughters fault! He gave her a dirty look and that really made me mad!

I told him, "HEY! That's what you get for standing so close to me! Haven't you ever heard of personal boundaries?" and that's when he decided to get in a different line. Some people!

For the record, it was totally an accident and I didn't clean it up but I did apologize to the janitor who did show up to clean it up! She was very sweet and said "If this is the worst thing I have to clean up this week, then I'll count my self a lucky lady!"

I guess that's one way to look at things. If this is the worst thing that happens to me all week, then I will count myself a lucky lady! And as I write this the toddler is adding hot sauce to the dessert recipe........it doesn't call for hot sauce! Loverly!

Death and other funky smells

I have realized that one sure fire way to get me to clean my house, rid it of clutter, is to plant a dead mouse somewhere for me to root out! It's the sad truth! Before we bought our house, it was abandoned and mice moved in. We did a remodel before moving in but the mice occasionally try to get in to find warmth, water and food. You know how it goes. So anyway, my house is still clean from when my mother-in-lay broke down and did some much needed chores while I was away on vacay. Bless her! BUT honestly, I did have a bag full of cans lingering by the back door to take in. (We cash in pop cans here in Michigan, long story) The smell from that can get a little funky. Regardless, it inspired me to clean, to get out the mop and the good smelling cleanser and start scrubbing. I mopped, dusted, washed walls and counter tops and actually busted out the window cleaner and did the windows. Stop me. I'm out of control.

Deep cleaning is not something I do often. I don't wipe down the base boards or the ceiling fans like my Mom does on Saturdays. Does this make me a horrible Mom or Wife? No! I have better things to do with my time. I sit in the floor and play legos. I take walks and gather rocks for the rock garden and point out different birds, pretending to know what their Latin names are. One day the toddler will go to school and make a fool out of herself, thinking that she knows her business. Oops.

I do craft time with the toddler. We paint. We draw. We color. We make things with clay. She cuts pictures out of magazines and we make paper dolls with them. It's fun and while we do these things the house work gets put on the back burner. The laundry is never really put away. Unless by "away" you mean sometimes neatly folded and placed in laundry baskets where they stay until someone needs something. I use to be ashamed. Not anymore. Just because I'm not the most organized person in the world, it doesn't mean I'm not doing my job as a mother.

So, if you're a stay-at-home mom and you struggle with guilt, thinking that you're failing as a mom by not keeping a spotless home, you're delusional! As long as you have children living in your home, you will never have a spotless home. So stop beating yourself up over it and live your life. Yes, teaching your children responsibility is important so cleaning up after yourself is a good idea. But ignoring your fun loving nature to make sure others don't call you a slob is sad. Don't do that!

When I die people aren't going to say "WOW her house was always so clean!" that's for sure! I want them to remember me for my love of living, not cleaning!

Don't hold your breath.......or breathe

I couldn't find my dictionary. It's probably somewhere hiding with my extra set of car keys and that embarrassing picture of me blowing up a balloon........you know because I'd love to know that someone hasn't gained control of those things. You never know when they'll be used against you. The car keys could be used to, well, steal my car and the picture is probably already all over the Internet anyway. Regardless, I couldn't remember how to spell "breathe" or "breath" and I just don't want to look it up on google because that would send me into a whole other situation that I just don't have time for today. I have a crock pot to clean.

Where was I? Oh. Right. Recently I have become acquainted with a young woman who has the most negative attitude toward life. She refuses to see the good in anything, a daffodil, a butterfly, a baby, an add for a dentist that someone has strategically blacked the teeth out on. How can you not laugh at that? I just don't understand. But I do understand that her mother passed away a year ago and they didn't have the best relationship. She's angry. All of the holidays have passed, birthdays and anniversaries. She has mourned and now I tell her to start taking baby steps. I don't want to take away her grief but I would love for her to stop holding her breath. (Or breathe) EXHALE and let good things happen. See the good things happening around you. Honor your mother by living the best life you can live. (I know you're reading this)

The same thing goes for anyone who has known grief. Whether you have lost a loved one, had a failed relationship or lost a baby. Don't take one step forward with a negative attitude. It will get you absolutely nowhere. It's like a rocking chair......whole lotta moving, not getting anywhere.

Faking it

motherletters.com

The world is full of fakers. My kids are academy award winners when it comes to faking "Sick" to stay home from school. I'm smarter than I use to be. I am keen to their ways now. Now they don't even try to convince me that they are sick. They just don't shower in the morning, which has become code for "I'm really not in the mood to go to school!". I feel their pain. I didn't want to take them. But still, I'm the mom and I should say "Look! An education is an important thing." I don't though. I just choose to torture them while they are home. I make them lay on the couch while I clean and sing at that top of my lungs. I make them watch girly movies and listen to Justin Beiber (lie). Ok. so I make them listen to music that is way cooler, The Civil Wars and Alabama Shakes. They secretly like it and I secretly like having them home. Although, sometimes I embarass myself by forgetting that they are here and start a conversation with myself. All in a days work here at the office.

Speaking of being a MOM. While I was wasting time on pinterest I found this cool quote, checked out the source and found more coolness. Check it out! GO to www.motherletters.com...... It's neat!

Bless your little heart

I am such an excitable person. It only takes a pinch to get me going sometimes. Especially when someone challenges my beliefs. If only I could have found this in myself years and years ago, the ability to say " I don't give a flying fart In space what you think so let me get back to the dysfunction". Before, I would roll my eyes and keep my mouth shut but now I lack the ability or maybe the desire to just sit there and let someone bully me into thinking that what I want or believe in is wrong.

And now you're wondering why I bring this up. You know my bf, I affectionately refer to her as stripper. I love her to pieces and you know that. I also love her husband, in a brother in law sort if way where we both pick at one another and question each others intelligence. I do love Big Frank but today I wish he lived closer because I want to..... Well I would not dream of hurting the man. I should mention that he is a good 6 ft 4 with about twice my weight and pure muscle. We call him Mr. Clean because of his bald head and hoop earring.

Anyway, Mr. Clean doesn't understand why I have a blog and told me this morning that it was a waste of time.

Ok. I guess it hits home. It makes me question my wants. And that makes me angry with myself because it's one step forward but 3 steps back! There's that self esteem issue again, the feeling that I have to justify why I do something I love and why I love it and then feeling like I have no business writing.

This isn't about me being angry with Mr. Clean. It's about me being mad at myself. Ugh! I really hate this feeling!

I'm working on writing two books. Why? Because I want to. Do I need any other reason? No. I'm not doing it to make money. No. I have other motives. And besides the other motives, it fills some sort of need that is burning inside of me. There's a story inside of me that needs to be formed and shared. So that is what I will do.

And in the meantime, I swear I will post more here. I'm having a hard time juggling my time. This book writing business is like a newborn baby, it calls for me in the middle of the night, while I'm grocery shopping or doing dishes. It is my crack! But it isn't hurting anyone so I'm going to stop feeling like pursuing my dream of becoming a published author is ridiculous!

Whatever your dream is..... Don't ever let someone make you feel stupid for dreaming it! Let them think it's stupid! But don't let their opinion over shadow yours! Promise yourself!

Welcome home

I love visiting my Mom. Sure, the 12 hour drive isn't always pleasant but at the end of the drive I get rewarded with my Moms good cooking and the best part..... Someone to run interference with the toddler when she gets in one of her moods. I can hide in the bathroom and paint my toenails and nobody bothers me because Nana is there to take over.

The week before we left to go to my moms house I was sick with flu- like symptoms. I didn't do anything around the house. It wasn't pretty. Just another reason to run away. When we left my moms house to head home I cringed at the thought of what would be waiting for me when we got home. BUT when I walked into the kitchen I was pleasantly surprised. My mother in law cleaned. She took care of our cat for us and while she was here she did a little cleaning!!

Ok so normally I would not be happy with someone being in the house moving things but it wasn't as if she rearranged my furniture and cleaned out my cluttered closet! My closet could use a good cleaning though. My bed was made with clean sheets. My kitchen counter was clean and my coffee pot was clean! My sink was empty! Eek. I can't remember the last time I had an empty sink. I loathe dirty dishes!

Sometimes it's nice to be helped. Don't you get tired of cleaning up after people? My day consists of the same walls, laundry, dishes and all the other chores that go along with being a house wife. Granted I am not a neat freak and I've learned that a clean house is a sign of a wasted life. But still, it's nice to come home and have a few less things on my list of things to tackle tomorrow.

Ahhhh! I think I might tackle that cluttered closet.

Going Home

Our spring break in Arkansas has come to an end.

It's the same thing each time we come. I get overwhelmed by all of the people crammed into one small house, cry when I see old pictures of myself and then when it's time to leave, I would rather stay. Well, there are good things in there too. Laughing. Listening to stories I have heard a million times. It never gets old.

This year I really don't want to leave. I'm ready to be home but not ready to go.

I have managed to watch a few good movies.

War Horse
The Descendants

I've read a couple of books.

Ember by Madison Daniel
Fallen by S.k Whiteside

When did I find the time? During my 12 hour drive!

Anyway, they say home is where the heart is. It's true. But I have been away from my house for over a week and haven't really missed it. I miss my bed and my cat. But for the most part I've been happy here in sunny Arkansas, with my family. Home is wherever my kids are because that is where my heart is.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this post to be honest with you. I'm a little weepy tonight after watching The Descendants. So I think I'm just going on and on. The bottom line is..... In the morning I will be going home. More reading. More picture taking. More car sickness. Yay.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter holiday. Hopefully you connected with family.