OOTZ

Recently, I posted on my facebook page that I would be stepping out of my comfort zone and entering a few photos in a photo contest at a local gallery. I am not a professional photographer. I take my pictures using my iPhone and various photo apps. I like to take pictures. I'm a picture hoarder. Do I think my photos are the cats meow? No. I think I like them and honestly, when it comes to my photos that's all that matters. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I am beholding my photos. (Yeah. I don't know what that's suppose to mean, if anything. I just felt like saying it)

SO, let's recap. I've shared the fact that I am not comfortable with putting myself out there, which is strange since I put myself out there on facebook and on here. I've stepped outside of my comfort zone, something that I promised to do more of in the new year.

Side note... when will 2013 stop being the NEW YEAR? Can I stop saying "New Year" yet? Ok. Moving along.

My wonderful cousin, who has been such a great role model to me... mother of the year, best friend of the year and wife of the year... You name it and I think she's won the award or deserves it...well, anyway she suggested that we form a group and support each other as we tackle things that are out of our comfort zone, hence the title of this post Out Of The Zone...OOTZ.

Are you the type of person that stays within your safe compartment, afraid to step out for whatever reason? Maybe there's something you've been dying to do but just can't find the courage. Well, this is the group for you. From time to time throughout the year I will post a new challenge. I want you to take part even if it's something you think you're comfortable with because you may think that you're alright with something until you do it. I thought I was alright with sharing my writing projects with someone and then found out that it scared me to the point where I couldn't sleep.

OK. So, our first task is going to be a baby step. Or at least to me. We're going to try a food that we haven't had but want to have but haven't had the courage to try. That was too many buts, but... if you've already tried lamb then find something that you haven't tried and try it because LAMB is our food to try. I don't care if you cook it or order it at a restaurant. I am cooking my lamb. It will probably be one of those things that I do while the kids are in school. A lunch for one. I'll share my recipe if that's the case. I'll be checking in with a progress report and please feel free to chime in and share your thoughts. I do look forward to hearing from you. If you would like to add a task to tackle then please share that too!

Let's do this!

Last Blog Post EVER.

Well, folks.
 
If the Mayans are right the world will end on Friday and this will most likely be my last blog post ever. I know. Not cool. At all. I like gathering here, despite the fact that you are all kind of quiet. I know you're there.
 
Here's my thought though. What if the Mayans couldn't count past...wait, never mind. Clearly they could count past twelve. Dang. There goes my big epiphany. That sucks.
 
Anyway, so it's that time of the year. The Christmas tree is up, decorated and still missing a star or other tree topper. There are no gifts under the tree, mainly because there aren't any and even if there were... kids cannot be trusted. With that being said, it can be stressful but no matter what is happening, whether the dishes are over flowing or the kids are at each others throats... you woke up this morning. You're alive. Don't be mad at that. Maybe you woke up next to the love of your life or got an email or text from the one person you can count on to put a smile on your face. It's more than some people get.
 

Insert Inspirational Quote here.

There are 26 families, maybe the count is 27 now, that won't have a Merry Christmas because some psycho walked into a school and made this the worst year of their lives. It breaks my heart and really pisses me off.
 
If you follow me on facebook you might've read that someone complained about my sky photos. Ugh. Get over it. I take those pictures to remind myself that there is something beautiful in each and every day. The clouds can be grey and to me they are still beautiful. I stop, each and every day and take a photo to remind myself that life is good, life is beautiful and I am alive. I'm a survivor. It keeps me sane.
 
So, whether this is our last week on this earth or the end is nowhere in sight, stop and be thankful that you are alive. Be thankful that you'll get another email, be thankful that you had to endure snores while you tried to sleep. Before you complain about something, stop to be thankful. And sing if you know the words, dance if the words move you. If it embarrasses someone, well you're doing something right! :)

Pulling me down hard.

This week there is an inner struggle going on in my head. So many things that I shouldn't let pull me down, into depression, things that I have no control over, that happened a long time ago. I just can't push it out of my head. You know how you go over the what ifs? Well, those are the things that I struggle with.

There are a lot of things that I have been able to let go of, push them out, come to terms with the fact that it happened and I can heal and move on but there are also things that I just keep holding on to and I get angry with myself for allowing it to happen.

 Two years ago, at a very inconvenient time in my life, I was pregnant. Oh what a blessing! Ummm. Sure. In my case it was more like "Oh Crap! Where are we going to fit one more person in the budget let alone the house or my Jeep!?" We live in a small 3 bedroom house and we barely have room for all of us. Bursting at the seams is an understatement.

Please don't think I'm ungrateful and wouldn't love a new baby to pieces because I finally wrapped my head around it and came to terms with the fact that I was going to be splitting my time between 4 beautiful children. I was in love with the idea actually. However, other members of the household weren't so happy and it was a bit of a buzz kill.

I pushed on though.

We tip toed around the pregnancy subject for a while until everyone became more comfortable with the idea and soon it didn't seem like such a bad thing. Sure, we were going to be so broke we'd have to grow our own food and sell everything we valued to keep afloat but how is a baby ever a bad thing?


Things with the pregnancy were normal, my levels were normal blah blah! I was tired all the time and couldn't keep up with the toddler but I managed. I took my vitamins, cut out 97 percent of the caffeine and ate way more fruits and veggies than humanly possible. I craved salads all the time. I would wake up in the middle of the night and want a salad!

Soon I was picking out names, for a boy. Little overalls and plaid shirts were all I saw. A sweet little boy in a ball cap, chasing my husband around, that's what I imagined. It was a sweet thought but a thought that would sadly never become reality.

There are so many women out there who suffer the loss of a child. No matter how far along we are into the pregnancy there is always the "would've been's or what if's", always that heartache. We ask ourselves what we did wrong. I've gone over it in my head so many times. Was I not a good enough mom? I would've made it work, I know it! What else could I have done?

Does it matter now? It's in the past. I guess not but there's still that idea that I did something wrong or that maybe I was wrong to think I had enough love to go around. Why do we do this to ourselves? I think it's a quality that all mothers have, the ability to take on things that are out of our control and then feel extreme guilt when we can't move mountains.

I went in for a regular appointment for a check up. I felt fine. The midwife helped me onto the "slab" to listen to the baby's heart beat and after about 10 minutes of searching, she brought out the ultrasound machine...........my baby didn't have a heartbeat.

I could see her tiny little nub hands and feet. She was bigger than I thought she would be. All I could do was stare at her black and white image on the screen. I couldn't cry. I felt like someone was sitting there telling me "Sorry, you're just not what we're looking for right now. You can't be this child's mother." It's so silly now that I think about it. I felt like I couldn't cry in front of anyone over a baby I didn't deserve or didn't have the money to support in the first place.

And yes, it turns out, the baby was a girl but you know what, she would've been the cutest little thing in overalls and a ball cap, just like her big sister.

The next day, I had surgery. I came home in a daze and silently mourned my baby, the baby that I felt I had no right to mourn. I refused to ask for help. I stayed in my room and hid from my family, refusing to pick myself back up because I didn't feel I deserved to.

Time has gone by so fast that it hardly seems like two years. Yet, here I am, beating myself up on the Internet. A pile of Kleenex sitting on the table by my laptop. Ewww. I'll make sure to use a Clorox wipe later. This is not a cry for sympathy. This is a call for women to stop beating ourselves up over things that we just can't control. I'll have my cry and then I'll keep going because to do it any other way would be counter productive.

Get a Theme Song

Do you suffer from severe negativity? Do your facebook status updates read like a broken record, reporting over and over that your life sucks and you're tired of being used and unhappy? Well, YOU my friend need to get a theme song!

I have a theme song!

And when I'm out and about, picking the kids up, grocery shopping or at home doing my thing I'm imagining that this song is playing! If they made a movie of my life this song would definitely be playing at some point in the movie!

I think a song can set the mood. If you watch the Ultimate Fighter competitions you'll notice that the fighters make their way to the octagon while a song blasts over the PA system. The fighter or his manager or whoever picks a song that will set the mood or simply say "I'm a bad ass MO FO! And I'm going to put my knee in your eye socket!".

So, do you see what I'm saying? If you have a theme song to keep you motivated or positive you might be happier. Stop letting other people influence your mood and take your happiness into your own hands by choosing your own theme song. Heck, I have an entire soundtrack! I listen to it all the time. Sometimes I have to change it up a bit and add new songs as they come out but, I keep a positive stream of music playing to keep my mood out of the ditch!

You are the master of your own universe! You can choose to do the things that make you happy or you can depend on others to make you happy. But, I'll tell you this........That person can take off in a heartbeat and then you're left not knowing how to make yourself happy!

What's your THEME SONG?

An emotional week

I'm not sure if there are many women who would say that they haven't had an emotional week at one point in time. Maybe you wake up one day in a good mood but on the way to work a song on the radio sparks an old feeling and sets you in a downward spiral into the abyss of depression. No matter what you do, you just cannot shake the feeling. A commercial on TV or a movie playing on the TLC. Whatever it is, you get sucked in by it. You can tell yourself that you have no reason at all to be in this mood but it won't work. For some reason you are destined to break down and cry at least once a day. Count your blessings and you still can't look past whatever it is that haunts you!

Been there. Done that. I usually call my Mom or my best friend, whom I affectionately refer to as stripper. At least one of them has the right words. But sometimes, they have more reasons to be melancholy than I do. So I just call to hear their reasons. This week when I found myself crying over a diaper commercial I called Stripper.

Stripper has a lot on her plate right now. She has spent the last year reconnecting with her father who is battling cancer. She has a boat load of kids, most of them her own and a busy husband. I figured I would call and let her side track me from my silliness. But, she has that way of knowing when I've misplaced my muchness and she calls me out. I explain my problem to her and she says.......

"Throw it in the trash!"

Me: Ummmm? huh?

Her: (very matter of factly she says) Write your problem or complaint on a piece of paper and toss it in the trash.

Me: I don't think that will make me feel better.

Her: Ok! Then put the toddler in the car, drive to McDonalds, order a cone and when you give the lady your money, slip your piece of paper in with your money and drive away!

Me: [imagining the look on the cashiers face, Stripper in her giant SUV with 8 kids.......] Have you tried this before?

Her: No! I flush mine down the toilet!

Me: Won't that clog your toilet eventually?

Her: Hasn't so far! I look at it this way. There's always someone out there who has it way worse and just as soon as you stop believing that, you'll find it out the hard way. Don't waste your time on the things that don't matter. Stop reading from that chapter. It already happened. It's time for the next book already! And if Frank ever mentions that the toilet is acting up, you don't know squat!

Me: That's for sure!

The moral of the story is......if you happen to work at my local McDonalds and one day you get a piece of paper that says "My toilet is clogged up and I don't have 2 pennies to rub together!", well, sorry! I had to do something. And like Stripper says "focus on the things that matter!" If you keep focusing on the things that cause the grief you need a swift kick. Everybody line up behind me! I'm first in line!

The Zombie Plan

I don't know about you but I like to use the time I spend with family at the holidays productively! Cut the chit chat and get right on down to business! I know your job sucks! I know your kids are over achievers and haven't missed a day of school in EVER! Your wife birthed all of your children naturally unless you count the un-natural screaming coming from her contorted body! Sorry about calling the exorcist! I really thought I was helping! And yes, you have already told me that you went coyote hunting with Dick Cheney and lived to tell about it! Congrats! Now let's talk about something important!

YOUR ZOMBIE PLAN!!!

I am totally kidding!

You don't have a zombie plan? What? That is crazy talk! You really should be prepared! I have secretly been training my boys to fight zombies! They think it's just a cool video game but honestly it's just a top secret training device! I am certain that when zombies do attack and our Twinkie supplies are completely depleted, we will be forced to use our noggins to fight them off and my boys will lead the fight with stealth, intelligence and lots of ammo.....right after we hit up the gun store! I've began stock piling supplies! I have 4 jars of pickles, a can of instant coffee, a package of D batteries, flash lights, glow sticks, coloring books, crayons, all seasons of Sons of Anarchy, band aids, bug spray and 400 gallon jugs for water hidden in the shed. I still have to put water in the jugs but since we pay for our water I'm having a hard time with that! I will keep working on it. 

Ohhhhhhh! Seriously! I'm kidding! I was just getting tired of cousin Tom. Yak! Yak! Do you ever find yourself in the position where you're facing off with that family member that has to go on and on about how great his or her life is, or how great their spouse or kids are? Do you ever just want to say "Oh! Yeah!? Well, I saved $345 on my car insurance?" Really, we don't get together at the holidays to hear cousin TOM verbally pat himself on the back for being a douche bag! We get together to give thanks for our many blessings! Let us be humble this holiday season and give thanks that cousin TOM might be humble too! 

Success

Yesterday, I set up shop at a local fall bizarre.....I've mentioned it before. I was nervous. This was my first show, alone. I'm not good at selling. So, I worried that I wouldn't get a lot of sales. Basically, I wanted to minimize my stock. I have been working for a few months on various items and really didn't have anywhere to put it all. It had to go. So, I priced it to sell.

The show was small. I would say there were a dozen or so booths. When I got there most of the vendors had already set up and were just conversing with the other vendors. So, I felt like all eyes were on me. That made me feel uncomfortable. I love the things I make but sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who loves them. I lack confidence sometimes. But, I started setting up my booth, keeping in mind that I was just here to prove to myself that I could do this alone and  I shut everyone else out. I focused on getting things set up and pushed forward.

Once I was done I stood back and smiled. My booth looked good. (I apologize for not taking pictures. Taking pictures in situations like that make me feel awkward. Kind of like the time when I followed a guy around walmart because he reminded me of a character from a Stephanie Plum book and I wanted to get a picture for my cousin. His wife said NO! ) Then, I sat down and organized my bags for easy access. That's when the other vendors came over to check my booth out. I always feel nervous when people step up to my booth. I start to feel like the little train that could! "I know I can!" Just smile and pretend like you have total control over your bladder!  

Well, enough of the play by play. The moral of the story is.......

I put myself in a position that scared the bejeezus out of me and found that it wasn't really any different than posting to this blog! Just because the people I'm directing my words at can actually see me as I'm talking.... it shouldn't cause me to panic! It wasn't bad! I had fun! I sold some things! I made a friend! I got a lot of compliments! If I hadn't put myself out there I would never know that I can do it. Or that it wasn't really anything to freak out about! Don't be skurd!

Short Shorts & Showers

When I became a Mom I traded in my short shorts for short showers! And over the past decade....I have become quite skilled in the art of water conservation. Not just because we pay for our water but because kids left unattended tend to get into trouble.

You know what I'm saying! You get in the shower, wash your hair, shave your legs and arm pits, exfoliate your skin, let the warm water beat down on your back, let the 5 minute miracle conditioner work for an extra 5 minutes and just enjoy the peace and quiet......Ahhhhhhh! So relaxing. Then you get out of the shower to find that not only did your child empty out the brand new gallon of milk in the kitchen floor but now she is pouring flour and quick cooking oats into it. Glad she was paying attention when we made cookies! If only she remembered the bowl. Maybe next time!

Oh yes I have mastered the quick shower. Only shaving one leg a day, washing the hair then immediately plopping some conditioner on my hair and rinsing right away. Exfoliate? yeah right! Did I even use soap today? Please don't judge me! You don't know my daughter!

But, recently I have found that my short showers are not as short as usual and I will tell you why.

My sister-in-law! Yes! YOU!!! (lol)

She bought the toddler these foam letters and numbers for the bath tub! I told her that I was having issues with the toddler at bath time and that it might be a good idea to gift her some bath tub toys for her birthday! So, now, while I'm suppose to be showering with lightening speed.....I'm making words! I'm leaving messages for my husband.........and reminders for myself! I really need to clean the shower thoroughly. Maybe I'll do that the next time I take a shower. Multi-task!

Loop holes

 
I love to watch the toddler grow. I am in love with her curiosity and her problem solving skills. She finds loop holes in the rules already! Her big brothers introduced her to the wet willy months ago! (A wet willy is when you lick your finger and stick in someones ear....Eww! I know!) She's good at it! She slobbers that little finger up and rams it into the ear with such grace and stealth, you don't even know what hit you! But, as proud as I am of her Wet Willy ability....it also annoys me. Especially when I'm in the middle of something and she is manning an assault on my ear canal! So, recently when she thought assaulting me would pass the time nicely I let her know that I don't want her to do that anymore! I said "Please don't stick your finger in my ear anymore. I don't like it and I want you to stop!". I used my "I" statement! Proud of me! She says "Sorry MOM!" and walks away with a sad look. I almost felt bad for a second....then she returned with her doll, who has small arms! The next thing I know.....The dolls arm is in my ear! Loop hole!

Just Like MacGyver...only without the facial hair.

Seriously. I just want to brag a little bit. I was on the brink of being sad today but pulled a Barney and got Awesome instead. You know, because that's how we do it, right?

I procrastinated again. Because well, that's also how I "do it"......I'm going to be showcasing some of my handmade goods at a local bazaar this weekend and waited til the last minute to figure out my display. Shame on me. My budget for props is a big fat zero! I have no money to spend on this show boat! But.......



Simple denim flower...Sold.



Not need to panic! Luckily, I have tons of stuff to play with. So, I took a little break from being super Mom to dig down deep and channel my inner MacGyver. (You know who MacGyver is right? He's the guy on TV way back in the day that could save the world using a paper clip, a tampon and a carton of eggs. I know! Impressive!)



I bought this frame last year for a buck! True Story!



So, I'm standing in my workroom/dining room, looking at all of the things I have at my disposal. Keep in mind I'm doing this while the toddler is pummeling me with her fake sword.......repeatedly......when will I regain sanity Lord? Anyway, I keep reminding myself that  MacGyver worked under pressure too! So, I got this!



I need something to showcase a few of my better, more impressive, tiny bit more expensive hair flowers on. Something that goes along with my Vintage Shabby Chic motif. Well, I think I did ok. Using a bargain picture frame that I bought last year (so the cost doesn't count right?), a piece of scrapbook paper and some leftover ribbon I engineered this handy little hair flower holder! And the bonus part is.....I can use it over and over and over and over and over and over!

 If you got, USE IT! Just saying! 



Super Woman



Me and My Mom.....be jealous of our outfits!



I want to take a minute to bring your attention to someone.

The working Mom......Super Woman.

The Mom who is going to school while raising a family, running a household, or working a full time job.

My Mom was a working Mom. She worked 2 jobs most of the time and put herself through school. She was that good. If I can be half the Mom she is to me, my kids will be the luckiest kids in the world. My Mom is like so many other Super Women.

If you know a Super Woman, I want you to do me a favor, tell her that she is doing an amazing job! Let her know that you think what she is doing is great. If you're at her house today, take out her trash! I wish someone would take out mine!

I bring this up because today I was "dealing" with a bit of attitude from my son, thinking.....If I treated my mom like this....I hope I didn't...... I don't think I was a bad kid. Maybe ......Ok..... I was difficult. When I was a teenager I was moody and unhappy for reasons that I couldn't explain. And I can only imagine how that made my Mom feel. I think the way I'm feeling now might be the way she felt then....Oh the stress! On top of me being difficult, she has always taken care of my Granny in one way or another. I think she could've used a break.....or someone to tell her that she was doing a great job and that all of her hard work was going to pay off. She raised me on her own. NO help from my dad. That's a major accomplishment! Way to Go MOM!

There are so many Moms out there doing the same thing. Putting their kids first, putting their own dreams dead last, taking care of their own parents or loved one.  

Please, encourage a Mom today. And If you know my Mom, give her a hug for me. I wish I was closer so I could do it myself. ~Thank you.

Days like this.....

It's raining. It's cold. I'm sick. I'm tired. I'm hungry for something sweet and salty. My toddler is full of energy and my teenager is not in school because he is sick too. Days like this.....I just want to crawl into bed, turn on a Harry Potter movie, sip chicken broth from my favorite coffee mug and read a book in the peace and quiet. But since the toddler is energetic and the teenager isn't amused at all by her picking the lock to his bedroom door, I cannot relax and enjoy my book.

my back yard.....yes I own a rake.

What to do? What to do?

No. I cannot give them both Nyquil!

Give myself Nyquil?......That's a thought......No. I have to drive.....and make phone calls.

Make cookies?

We're out of chocolate chips and butter.

Shoot squirrels off the back fence?

No!!!!! That's not nice. ( can't believe you'd bring that up)

Laundry?....I'm almost out of clean towels and socks.

Ok. I guess. But it doesn't make me feel better.

Talk to myself?.........Shhhh! Don't tell anyone. But sometimes I do talk to myself.

Ok. Here's the plan. Harry Potter in the living room. Hot cocoa with marshmallows for the teenager, chocolate milk with whipped cream for the toddler and chicken noodle soup for me. A pile of blankets made into a fort for the toddler and a nice warm heating pad and quilt for the teenager.

Me?......Fuzzy socks, bath robe and a book!

Ahhhhhhh! Sounds like a plan to make everyone happy!

My favorite Tool.

Recently a friend of mine announced that her and her husband had split up and that they were filing for divorce. She's struggling with the idea and asked for some advice. You know, because I am the voice of reason........really? She asked me how I got through it myself. I had to think about it for a while since this is a volatile time in a woman's life. You have to be careful of what you say! I don't want to tell her about the things I did in the attempt to achieve peace and tranquility.....mostly it could get you arrested and honestly.....it didn't help me! It made me laugh.....but over all it did not work at all. But there is one thing I did to help distract me from the things that I wanted to do........

So, if I had to pass on a "TOOL" to help a woman get through a tough time it would most definitely be a book!

Not just any book.

I cannot wait! Eeek!

When I was at the beginning of my not-so-pretty break up, a friend of mine (who I think was pretty tired of seeing me cry and listening to my drama) gave me a stack of books that she thought I would enjoy. This came at the perfect time since my boys were set to spend their first weekend at their dads new place.

I seriously needed a distraction. Otherwise I was going to do something stupid.....like call my ex every 20 minutes to make sure his new girlfriend wasn't cooking for the boys or trying to make them call her Mom! Ewww! I popped a bag of popcorn, cut up an apple, opened up a fresh jar of Nutella and plopped down on the couch with my stack of books. As I sorted through them I realized that it was a series of books. And you guessed it, all by the wonderful Janet Evonovich! "One for the Money" obviously is book #1! So, I began to read. I had never heard of the series and didn't bother to read the back of the book to find out what the jest of the book would be. An hour into my veg session and I was hooked! I instantly fell in love with the characters! It was just the distraction I needed. ( And probably saved me from getting myself arrested...I'm not perfect)

I realize that a book cannot make you completely forget about your worries. But, as I've said a million times,  reading can be a sweet escape from it for a short period of time. Books can give you hope. A good story can inspire you and make you laugh. And a story can also make you cry. This series has never made me cry! That is why I think it's the perfect tool to get you through that tough time in your life!

I'd like to take this time to thank Janet Evonovich for creating such a fantastic series. (The Stephanie Plum series.) I truly believe it helped me get through my divorce. I love how Stephanie is stumbling through her own life after a divorce, granted she hits a lot of speed bumps along the way, blowing up cars and etc. But that's what makes it so great! She is far from perfect but perfectly great at the same time. Does that make sense? Anyway, don't wait for the movie! Get the book and be prepared to laugh!

The Misery Business

I'm not a private detective. I have never been trained in the art of interrogation and I most certainly have never been schooled on human behavior! But I know the tell tale signs of a cheater!

Hiding your cell phone, keeping it locked, not sharing the password, "working" a 60 hour work week but only getting paid for 40 and my favorite......an abnormally high phone bill because you exceeded your monthly text allowance. I call this the Misery Business! It's a very unpleasant thing to go through. They say "What doesn't kill you will make you stronger."......Ummm, it's more like "What doesn't kill you, just might destroy your trust in mankind."

It always seems that the faithful spouse is the last to know. Or if said spouse has the slightest clue that wrong is being done, the cheater squashes it and turns the tables, making the faithful spouse feel as if they are to blame or have done something horribly wrong by even bringing up the idea that his or her behavior might be a little suspicious! Women with low self esteem are easily brain washed into thinking this and usually have mixed emotions when it comes to taking initiative and leaving when the cheater is caught in the act. I should know.

Define Cheating: To me, it's not just having sex with someone else. There's an emotional stage too. I think you've crossed the line if you're sharing intimate details of your life with someone other than your spouse, confiding in them and not your significant other. Sorry, to me, that's cheating. Meeting someone who you find attractive and not telling them about your wife and kids......that's intent to cheat! If you're that unhappy, move on. Have the balls to look your husband or wife in the eye and say "I'm not happy and nothing you can do will make me happy!". It will be hard but in the end it will be the best way. Making a woman feel like a fool is probably not a good idea. Hell hath no fury! You've heard it before.

There are a million reasons why people cheat on their significant other. And even though I do believe in forgiveness, I don't believe in 3rd chances. Cheat, get caught, promise not to do it again and hold to your word. But saying you won't do it again and then doing it again......You gotta go! I don't know why anyone would put up with it a 3rd time. You're better than that. You deserve better. It won't get better unless you make the decision to move on, remove yourself from the situation. Don't look back except to learn from your mistakes.

Don't lose faith. I know it's hard to trust after being beat down mentally. You might feel like you're nothing and that you don't deserve better. But, you just have to believe that you are deserving of a good person to share your life with. You haven't set your standards too high! A healthy relationship is one where both parties are considerate and loving. Not manipulative and hurtful.

Lunchtime

I don't know about you but I am not a fan of Campbell's soup. I use to love their soup! We ate soup and grilled cheese a lot! It was quick and easy and didn't break the bank. I could make each person what they wanted and nobody was unhappy.

BUT, now it just doesn't seem to have any flavor! No matter how much salt I add, it just doesn't taste good to me. The toddler is a fan of anything disney! Of course, Campbell's knows how much every kid loves their disney characters! So, they make these cool soups with the characters in noodle form. We have had several instances where the toddler picks up a can of soup, we get home, I make said soup, she won't eat it! She says it's yucky!

I am not a fan of wasting food! I don't care how wealthy you are! You should not waste food! It has nothing to do with starving kids in Africa. We have enough of them here in the United States! Waste not, want not! So, I stopped buying Campbell's soup! But, Lord knows I had enough in the cupboard! I am a huge fan of Gia Russa soup.....as seen in the picture here. I love the flavor and the bowties are so cute and tastey tastey! It does have a rich flavor and at times I have had to add a little extra water but make your own and adjust according to your taste. If you love chicken soup when you're sick.....this is the best! Add a can of mixed stew style veggies if you want to make it a little heartier!

Anyway, So, today while I'm looking through the pantry I'm thinking "Ugh! We still have a can of that soup left and nobody will eat it.........Light bulb!". It hit me! Hello? Combine the two soups! The toddler will get her fun shapes and the flavor of the tastey soup! And that's what I did. I made the Mia Russa soup according to the directions. At the end I added the Cars soup and half a can of water! She was very happy to see her fun shapes and loved the bow ties too! I even heard her say "Mmmmmm! Tastey Tastey!"

The Happy Bride.




photo by Anna Marie Pictorials

 Bride. A title in which I thought I would never carry again. But, there I was on a lovely day in August, wearing white, happier than a bird with a french fry, marrying the best guy in the world (for me) and I was surrounded by people that love us! It was truly a great day!

When I started planning the wedding I tried to involve the MR. as much as possible. But, he really didn't have a lot of serious input. Sure, he wanted red velvet cake, a midget Elvis to perform the ceremony and a honeymoon in a camper but, he didn't care if we had someone playing violin or fancy napkins with our names. He just wanted to marry me and that was good enough for me!

I wanted a little something more than a courthouse wedding. I did that the first time. I'm not saying it was a cursed wedding I'm just saying that I wanted to have the white dress, the flowers, the cake, the ceremony. But more importantly I wanted to be the BRIDE! I wanted to feel pretty! I spend most of my time in jeans and a T shirt with my hair in a pony tail! I throw on eye make up if I have time. I'm a Mom! I don't always show my curves. I'm not sure my personality shows all of the time. So, I wanted to show the other side of me  and be Fun!

I decided against the traditional wedding attire. I wore white when it's not traditional to do so on a 2nd marriage. I wore pink converse for pete sake! I wanted to be girly! A few days before the big day I took a major leap and had my hair maven, Emily put pink in my hair! PINK! And I loved it! It was ME!

My girls were beautiful in  Pool Blue dresses and flip flops. The guys wore Black or charcoal grey with jeans! Handsome and casual! We married in a park....indoors because there was a bit of rain on and off all morning. Better safe than sorry! But the clouds eventually parted letting the sun shine on! Over all,  It was a perfect day!

But I will tell you this. Becoming a Bride was not an easy task for me. Dress shopping was a nightmare at first only because I was not in love with my figure and wanted to cry. Then I came to terms with the fact that I am not a size 8, never will be and I don't need to be to look good in my dress! Sure I would've liked to have less cushion on my arms but it's something I can work on. Ladies! Rock that Dress! Be the Bride you want to be! Don't let anyone tell you "This is what you need to do!" or "This is what you need to wear". It's your wedding! When you shop for dresses don't stress! The dress will not make or break your day! Don't shoot me for saying it! Because it's your happiness that makes the day! It's the bond you have with your significant other. Make this day about you and your partner if that's what you want! There isn't a rule book when you're planning your off beat, non traditional wedding.

Binky Detox

~Bubba & Sissy 2 days old~

I had to write this post early. I will be busy the next couple of days. On Saturday my baby girl will turn 3 years old!! This is the baby girl that my Granny told me I would have after the doctors told me I would never conceive ever again! I guess I showed you! She also told me this after my first husband had a vasectomy! lol! I just shook my head and thought "this won't happen if he has anything to do with it!". Little did I know, I was destined to have a daughter. Or destined to be tortured by this stubborn, strong willed little angel that has swooshed into my life and turned everything upside down! And I would not change it for the world! It's hard to believe that it has been 3 years already. We've survived many things. Teething, the transition from bottle to sippy and potty training. The one thing we have yet to conquer.......ditching the pacifier!

"Mute button"

She calls it her "Bo". I don't have the slightest clue where that came from! There are days when you won't see it in her mouth at all. Then there are days when she just has to know its where abouts. She has chewed it to pieces! It looks very unsanitary! At times I wonder if I'm not as attached to the thing as she is. When she gets herself in a tizzy looking for it, it sets my nerves on edge! And then I'm in a panic tearing the house apart looking for it. I need to stand my ground and say "No, you are a big girl and mommy is too! We can go without the Bo today! (Mommy might take up drinking but you don't need it!)". I need to be stronger.

I have encountered a few people that love to tell me how I can get rid of it.......Really? Thank you for sharing that bit of common sense with me! I do appreciate your thoughtfulness. But, it's not that I don't know HOW to dispose of the thing.....I don't have the will power! Giving the pacifier to the "Binky Fairy" is not an option. This child would hunt the binky fairy down and pummel her til she gave it up! She's a scary child! Sometimes I think she belongs in a pageant, sporting fake lashes and hair extensions! I do love her though.

So, my birthday wish, as her mommy....since she's too young to know that I'm stealing her wish, is that I can muster up some courage, dig deep, put on my big Grrrrrrr panties and just say "La la la la la la La! " When she starts screaming, kicking, biting and hair pulling because I will not find her "BO"! I will reassure her that she is a big girl who uses the big girl potty and wears tinker bell undies and that she does not need that nasty BO!  I will learn to be patient with her and understanding. Because I really do think that breaking her from this pacifier is a lot like taking crack away from an addict!  BINKY DETOX!

Grab it, Run.

I love the movie "Leap Year". I've seen it a dozen plus times. I'm a sucker for a love story, a hopeless romantic. And hello....An Irishman! But, I especially love how she figures out where she ranks with her boyfriend when she pulls the fire alarm.

If your house was on fire and you had 60 seconds, what would you grab?

My kids and husband of course.

What would my husband grab? Me and the kids. I have no doubt about that at all. Would we get to safety and consider coming back for his Dogs playing Poker shirt?.....Probably! But the important thing is I know where I rank with him. And I think the kids do too because he always puts them first.

It puts it all into perspective though doesn't it? The things you cannot live without are not things at all. They are people, relationships. So, when times are tough and you see something in the store you wish you had the money to buy.....don't get stressed or sad because you can't have it. Because when your 60 seconds come up you're going to leave it behind anyway. 

And if you're in a relationship with someone and you're not sure whether or not he or she would haul you out of a burning building before he secured his laptop, phone, collectors football jersey or dog......you should rethink where that person stands in your own life. Just sayin.

What WE are reading...

I recently announced that I would be reading "Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austen. I'm ashamed to say that I have never read it since it is suppose to be such a grand novel. Also it's such a shock because it's played out in the 19th Century British society which I LOVE! It's high time I put my night clothes on and cuddle up with this book! I've made tea and I've found my fuzzy socks. Let the reading begin! I'm happy to say that I will have  company (not in bed with me right this moment, but reading at their own home....) while reading this novel! A few of my good friends have also decided to bury themselves in the lovely book! Why don't you join us! If you have a kindle, amazon offers the book for free! It's one of many classics that they offer for free actually. Recently I read "Alice in Wonderland" out loud to my daughter. I'm not sure she listened to the entire thing. But she sat still for a time and stared into space! If you have a NOOK or purchase your ebooks from Barnes & Noble they offer the book for 99 cents! If you're not so fortunate to have an ereader or you just prefer the feel of a good old fashioned book, well, I think you can find it priced anywhere from 4 bucks to $444!! Yes, you read that right! A collectible copy of the book will run you around 3 digits! I love books. I love the feel of them. But, I don't have room for them and I certainly don't have that kind of money! What are you reading right now?

My Bucket List~Revised

Five years ago I threw away my bucket list. The things that were on it were not going to get crossed off at the rate I was going. I thought I wanted things that just weren't achievable. For example, Go to a Cubs Game (Who would I go with?).....Read 100 books (When would I have time?)......Repair something in my home (I don't own tools).

All of those things seemed so ridiculous to me. But I wrote them on a piece of paper. I sat down with a pen and paper and I wrote out the things that I truly wanted to do......for me. Not my family. Not my boys. And most certainly not my husband. Then one day, I think I was feeling like I was not worthy to achieve any of those things and that maybe I was being selfish for wanting anything for myself. It was almost as if I wanted to punish myself for something. I wasn't good enough for my husband so why should I be happy. That's what it was. I think I just had an epiphany.

Anyway, I ripped up that list. I tossed it in the trash and I didn't think about the things on that list for a while. My husband left. I fell apart. When I started seeing my counselor she told me I had to pick myself back up and heal myself, stop looking at the past and focus on the future. I had no idea how to do that. So, she suggested that I make a bucket list. It would be something to focus on. A way to move forward.

11. Get a Tattoo.....done.

 I didn't know how to put my own "wants" before others. So, when she told me to come back in a week with 10 things written on a piece of paper I thought "I might not be back!". It was too much work. Too hard to focus on me alone. But I did it! It makes me giggle now! I read over that list and I think "WOW! I'm a rock star!" Because I've crossed off most of the things and added a few....or revised it. Other people might think that the things on that list are silly and that's fine. Everyone is entitled to their own adventure.

This is the list I took to my counselor. I've marked the things I've since accomplished.

1. Go to a Cubs Game.......done! Thank you Jen!

2. Read 100 books.....done...read 100 more.

3. Drive to Arkansas with kids by myself....done.

4. Learn to forgive......done.

5. Learn to laugh at myself.....done.

6. Take a trip overseas.

7. Dye my hair pink......done.

8. Take a glass blowing class.

9. Hold a frog in my hand.....done (long story)

10. Repair something in my home.....done....scars to prove it.

I've added things to that list. I have about 31 things written down. These are things I want to do for myself and my family. I feel like I can include my family now. I've come a long way. Next week in craft class my girls will bring their own Bucket List. We'll talk about the things on their lists and figure out a way to achieve them. I'm looking forward to seeing what they've written. What's on your list?