They smell

This is going to be one of those posts where you say to yourself, "What the hell was that all about" and in the end I will tell you so don't get your panties in a bunch half way through. This is probably something you don't want to hear but I'm going to share anyway because I think Moms of little ones, boys in particular, will appreciate it.

When my boys were little I realized that they had this smell to them. It was sweaty socks, potato chips and dirt all mixed together. I tried to mask it when people came to visit, I lit candles and sprayed air freshner. But, I learned to love that smell, call me crazy but I did. It's the truth. Fabreeze only masked the scent and after a while I just stopped trying to cover it up because I realized that it made me feel good. As long as my house smelled like my little boys that meant I was still blessed and nobody had taken them from me yet because I left them standing in the driveway that time. Yeah. I did it. Shoot me. I came back. What do you want from me?

So, anyway, the boys haven't been little in a long time. My youngest is damn near six foot tall and the oldest is right there with him. Did I mention they are sixteen and seventeen? I know! I was five when I had them.

I made the fancy vest...

The holidays are over and they have come home from a visit with their dad. They always show up when I have the house smelling like bleach and Mom, you know that smell. It's pot roast, cookies and fabric softener. No sign of boy at all. But as they started to unpack I realized that they didn't bring that little boy scent with them. Hang on... I need a Kleenex.

Ok. I'm alright. Where did that little boy scent go? Now it smells like hot sauce, axe body spray and sweaty socks. It's a manly smell and no matter how many scented candles and bags of potato chips I open I can't get that little boy smell back.

I want that smell back.

I can't have it though. So, in a few years they'll be moved out and I'll be left with my Mom smell again and when they visit and bring all of their dirty laundry I'll be the freak standing at the washer, crying with my face buried in one of their shirts, sniffing as if it belongs to Tom Hardy.

My point is, stop spraying fabreeze and lighting your scented candles because there is no better smell than little boy.

Success

Yesterday, I set up shop at a local fall bizarre.....I've mentioned it before. I was nervous. This was my first show, alone. I'm not good at selling. So, I worried that I wouldn't get a lot of sales. Basically, I wanted to minimize my stock. I have been working for a few months on various items and really didn't have anywhere to put it all. It had to go. So, I priced it to sell.

The show was small. I would say there were a dozen or so booths. When I got there most of the vendors had already set up and were just conversing with the other vendors. So, I felt like all eyes were on me. That made me feel uncomfortable. I love the things I make but sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who loves them. I lack confidence sometimes. But, I started setting up my booth, keeping in mind that I was just here to prove to myself that I could do this alone and  I shut everyone else out. I focused on getting things set up and pushed forward.

Once I was done I stood back and smiled. My booth looked good. (I apologize for not taking pictures. Taking pictures in situations like that make me feel awkward. Kind of like the time when I followed a guy around walmart because he reminded me of a character from a Stephanie Plum book and I wanted to get a picture for my cousin. His wife said NO! ) Then, I sat down and organized my bags for easy access. That's when the other vendors came over to check my booth out. I always feel nervous when people step up to my booth. I start to feel like the little train that could! "I know I can!" Just smile and pretend like you have total control over your bladder!  

Well, enough of the play by play. The moral of the story is.......

I put myself in a position that scared the bejeezus out of me and found that it wasn't really any different than posting to this blog! Just because the people I'm directing my words at can actually see me as I'm talking.... it shouldn't cause me to panic! It wasn't bad! I had fun! I sold some things! I made a friend! I got a lot of compliments! If I hadn't put myself out there I would never know that I can do it. Or that it wasn't really anything to freak out about! Don't be skurd!

Days like this.....

It's raining. It's cold. I'm sick. I'm tired. I'm hungry for something sweet and salty. My toddler is full of energy and my teenager is not in school because he is sick too. Days like this.....I just want to crawl into bed, turn on a Harry Potter movie, sip chicken broth from my favorite coffee mug and read a book in the peace and quiet. But since the toddler is energetic and the teenager isn't amused at all by her picking the lock to his bedroom door, I cannot relax and enjoy my book.

my back yard.....yes I own a rake.

What to do? What to do?

No. I cannot give them both Nyquil!

Give myself Nyquil?......That's a thought......No. I have to drive.....and make phone calls.

Make cookies?

We're out of chocolate chips and butter.

Shoot squirrels off the back fence?

No!!!!! That's not nice. ( can't believe you'd bring that up)

Laundry?....I'm almost out of clean towels and socks.

Ok. I guess. But it doesn't make me feel better.

Talk to myself?.........Shhhh! Don't tell anyone. But sometimes I do talk to myself.

Ok. Here's the plan. Harry Potter in the living room. Hot cocoa with marshmallows for the teenager, chocolate milk with whipped cream for the toddler and chicken noodle soup for me. A pile of blankets made into a fort for the toddler and a nice warm heating pad and quilt for the teenager.

Me?......Fuzzy socks, bath robe and a book!

Ahhhhhhh! Sounds like a plan to make everyone happy!

My favorite Tool.

Recently a friend of mine announced that her and her husband had split up and that they were filing for divorce. She's struggling with the idea and asked for some advice. You know, because I am the voice of reason........really? She asked me how I got through it myself. I had to think about it for a while since this is a volatile time in a woman's life. You have to be careful of what you say! I don't want to tell her about the things I did in the attempt to achieve peace and tranquility.....mostly it could get you arrested and honestly.....it didn't help me! It made me laugh.....but over all it did not work at all. But there is one thing I did to help distract me from the things that I wanted to do........

So, if I had to pass on a "TOOL" to help a woman get through a tough time it would most definitely be a book!

Not just any book.

I cannot wait! Eeek!

When I was at the beginning of my not-so-pretty break up, a friend of mine (who I think was pretty tired of seeing me cry and listening to my drama) gave me a stack of books that she thought I would enjoy. This came at the perfect time since my boys were set to spend their first weekend at their dads new place.

I seriously needed a distraction. Otherwise I was going to do something stupid.....like call my ex every 20 minutes to make sure his new girlfriend wasn't cooking for the boys or trying to make them call her Mom! Ewww! I popped a bag of popcorn, cut up an apple, opened up a fresh jar of Nutella and plopped down on the couch with my stack of books. As I sorted through them I realized that it was a series of books. And you guessed it, all by the wonderful Janet Evonovich! "One for the Money" obviously is book #1! So, I began to read. I had never heard of the series and didn't bother to read the back of the book to find out what the jest of the book would be. An hour into my veg session and I was hooked! I instantly fell in love with the characters! It was just the distraction I needed. ( And probably saved me from getting myself arrested...I'm not perfect)

I realize that a book cannot make you completely forget about your worries. But, as I've said a million times,  reading can be a sweet escape from it for a short period of time. Books can give you hope. A good story can inspire you and make you laugh. And a story can also make you cry. This series has never made me cry! That is why I think it's the perfect tool to get you through that tough time in your life!

I'd like to take this time to thank Janet Evonovich for creating such a fantastic series. (The Stephanie Plum series.) I truly believe it helped me get through my divorce. I love how Stephanie is stumbling through her own life after a divorce, granted she hits a lot of speed bumps along the way, blowing up cars and etc. But that's what makes it so great! She is far from perfect but perfectly great at the same time. Does that make sense? Anyway, don't wait for the movie! Get the book and be prepared to laugh!

My Bucket List~Revised

Five years ago I threw away my bucket list. The things that were on it were not going to get crossed off at the rate I was going. I thought I wanted things that just weren't achievable. For example, Go to a Cubs Game (Who would I go with?).....Read 100 books (When would I have time?)......Repair something in my home (I don't own tools).

All of those things seemed so ridiculous to me. But I wrote them on a piece of paper. I sat down with a pen and paper and I wrote out the things that I truly wanted to do......for me. Not my family. Not my boys. And most certainly not my husband. Then one day, I think I was feeling like I was not worthy to achieve any of those things and that maybe I was being selfish for wanting anything for myself. It was almost as if I wanted to punish myself for something. I wasn't good enough for my husband so why should I be happy. That's what it was. I think I just had an epiphany.

Anyway, I ripped up that list. I tossed it in the trash and I didn't think about the things on that list for a while. My husband left. I fell apart. When I started seeing my counselor she told me I had to pick myself back up and heal myself, stop looking at the past and focus on the future. I had no idea how to do that. So, she suggested that I make a bucket list. It would be something to focus on. A way to move forward.

11. Get a Tattoo.....done.

 I didn't know how to put my own "wants" before others. So, when she told me to come back in a week with 10 things written on a piece of paper I thought "I might not be back!". It was too much work. Too hard to focus on me alone. But I did it! It makes me giggle now! I read over that list and I think "WOW! I'm a rock star!" Because I've crossed off most of the things and added a few....or revised it. Other people might think that the things on that list are silly and that's fine. Everyone is entitled to their own adventure.

This is the list I took to my counselor. I've marked the things I've since accomplished.

1. Go to a Cubs Game.......done! Thank you Jen!

2. Read 100 books.....done...read 100 more.

3. Drive to Arkansas with kids by myself....done.

4. Learn to forgive......done.

5. Learn to laugh at myself.....done.

6. Take a trip overseas.

7. Dye my hair pink......done.

8. Take a glass blowing class.

9. Hold a frog in my hand.....done (long story)

10. Repair something in my home.....done....scars to prove it.

I've added things to that list. I have about 31 things written down. These are things I want to do for myself and my family. I feel like I can include my family now. I've come a long way. Next week in craft class my girls will bring their own Bucket List. We'll talk about the things on their lists and figure out a way to achieve them. I'm looking forward to seeing what they've written. What's on your list?

It won't kill you.

I just want to take this time to say that I'm very annoyed by the fact that automobile makers are not equipping new cars with a very important feature. A feature that could ultimately save your life and the lives of others........

A Turn Signal....Blinker......

Ohhhh! They do? Well, then why are so many people refusing to use them these days? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY!? It won't kill you!  It's not difficult to use. You don't have to remember a password to get the thing to work! You make the decision to turn and then  flip it on, then wait a minute before turning. Don't turn it on as you're turning. And especially don't turn it on as you are turning in front of me! Keep in mind, if you find yourself at a 4 way stop and you and I are across from each other, if you do not signal that you're turning I will think you're going straight! I don't know how many times that has happened to me! I'm at a 4 way stop, the person across from me isn't using a blinker so I assume that they are going straight. Then I go straight when they decide to turn into me! It happened at the school yesterday when I was picking my sons up. A man, who was obviously blinker challenged, almost hit me and then pointed at the stop sign as if I hadn't stopped! Ummmm....I stopped! I wanted to follow him and give him a tutorial on how to use his turn signal. But, the boys wouldn't love me anymore if I embarrassed them like that. So I let it go. But, low and behold, this morning it happens again. It irritates the bejeezus out of me. I want to make signs to remind people that they could make life easier for everyone if they'd just learn to use their blinker! But, I think I'd have to get a special permit to put billboards up in peoples yards.....it could get messy. So, I'll use the tools I have and bitch about it here!

Please, for the love of my sanity, use your turn signal. Honestly, it won't kill you.

The lottery plan

My husband always says "When I win the lottery" as if it's a possibility. He doesn't play the lottery and I'm not going to encourage him to do that since I think it's a waste of money. I'd rather put the money into a savings account and let it build itself up. But, I'm not opposed to dreaming about what I'd do if I won the lottery.

[Exhale]

It would be wonderful. First, I'd pay off the husbands truck! Save the repo man a trip! Times are hard people. Don't judge.

I would not tell a soul we won the lottery........ignore the pictures on facebook of me holding that giant check! It's not a lottery check....the husband got a bonus at work......yeah....that's it! Employee of the month......right!

I would immediately book a flight to Disney since I've been telling the kids all of these years that we would get there before they have kids of their own! Besides, they'd be really upset with Mama if they didn't get to go to Disney before I took my European tour with my Mom and sisters and then there's the trip to Vegas with the hubby. And the cross country expedition..... I better get luggage!

Education is important! So, I'd have to put money into a trust fund for the kids so they can get educated! I'm going to take lessons to learn Italian and Spanish. Maybe hire a tutor to potty train the toddler! There's an idea. And while I'm educating people I should sign my Mom up for woodworking classes so she can learn to make furniture for short folks! I think she would be good at it. She's short.

Part of me thinks I should pull a "My name is Earl" and undo all of the wrong I've done. Oy! Replace the lawn ornaments we took as teenagers, pay back my Mom for all of the times she paid the heating bill or kept the lights on in my house, get group therapy going for my cousin who I failed to rescue and hire a sky writer plane to write "I'm sorry for punching you in the face, I was shocked about her age and couldn't think straight! Won't happen again!" in the sky over my ex's house.....both houses maybe. Might need two planes and a wing walker!

Then, of course I would send money to animal shelters and volunteer at each one as I make my way across the united states during my cross country adventure in the Motor home the husband will undoubtedly buy on day one! Oooh! We're going to need some awesome mud flaps for that bad boy! Better add those to the list.

It would be nice to win the lottery. I'd do a lot of fun things and even though I would eliminate a lot of stress that I currently have, it would also bring on more stress. The truth is, there is nothing in this world that I would buy that would make me happier than I am right now. I have an amazing family, a roof over my head and tires to carry me where I need to go. But more importantly I have love. You cannot put a price on LOVE.