Keep Your Head Up & Your Mouth Shut

Recently I recieved an email from a friend who is going through a divorce. She asked me how I got through it without harming anyone. I literally laughed out loud and then I typed....

"I didn't."

The truth is, I hurt a few people when I was going through my break-up. I didn't throw anyone to the ground, wrap my arms around thier neck and squeeze til they tapped out. Now that I think about it, I had enough rage to do that to someone. But, I didn't physically hurt anyone.

NO. I used words.

I was so angry with my ex-husband, the father of my children that I couldn't see straight. Did I channel that negativity at him? No. I let everyone else have it. Cousins, friends, co-workers, cashiers. I did not discriminate. Don't misunderstand. My ex felt my wrath. But, mostly I kept it to a minimum to save my kids.

My friend replied:

"I am doing the same thing and I don't like myself for it. But, I can't stop."

Oh! I understand that completely! I've said it before, it's as if a demon has taken over your body and you can't control the anger. But, I'll tell you. It will fade away if you stop holding on to it and stop looking for things to fuel the fire. Let it go. If you're on pinterest you've seem the motivational posts, "Let your past make you better, not Bitter!". Well, that's what you have to do. Take the experience and use it as a lesson learned. Then move forward. Don't dwell on the negative things that brought you to this point in your life. It isn't going to help you progress. You know how when you're driving and the jerk behind you is using his/her bright lights and you have to adjust your mirror so you can see. Well, that's exactly what you need to do now. Adjust your view and stop focusing on the bad stuff. Don't get me wrong, if you're husband gives you a black eye, apologizes and then does it again you don't need to forget about that. You chalk that up to a lesson learned and don't let it happen again. (Then take a kick boxing class) I pity the fool.

It will all be okay! I know it's hard. I fought with my anger many times. But, the next time you feel the urge to beat someone into unconsciousness with your words, stop! This is only adding fuel to the fire and it won't help you move forward. All this is doing is burning bridges. Life is a journey. We can't afford to burn any bridges along the way. Sometimes burning bridges makes it hard to get back to the things that we lost that meant the most to us.

How do you move forward? Well, you have to look at this way. This is kind of a new start. Do you have a bucket list? Start checking things off of your list and start living your life for you. If you're afraid of being alone then surround yourself with people who will have a positive impact on your life. If you have children this is an important step. Not only do you need the good vibes but your kids need it to.

So, my dear friend, keep your head up & your mouth shut and everything will work out if you put the effort into it.

An emotional week

I'm not sure if there are many women who would say that they haven't had an emotional week at one point in time. Maybe you wake up one day in a good mood but on the way to work a song on the radio sparks an old feeling and sets you in a downward spiral into the abyss of depression. No matter what you do, you just cannot shake the feeling. A commercial on TV or a movie playing on the TLC. Whatever it is, you get sucked in by it. You can tell yourself that you have no reason at all to be in this mood but it won't work. For some reason you are destined to break down and cry at least once a day. Count your blessings and you still can't look past whatever it is that haunts you!

Been there. Done that. I usually call my Mom or my best friend, whom I affectionately refer to as stripper. At least one of them has the right words. But sometimes, they have more reasons to be melancholy than I do. So I just call to hear their reasons. This week when I found myself crying over a diaper commercial I called Stripper.

Stripper has a lot on her plate right now. She has spent the last year reconnecting with her father who is battling cancer. She has a boat load of kids, most of them her own and a busy husband. I figured I would call and let her side track me from my silliness. But, she has that way of knowing when I've misplaced my muchness and she calls me out. I explain my problem to her and she says.......

"Throw it in the trash!"

Me: Ummmm? huh?

Her: (very matter of factly she says) Write your problem or complaint on a piece of paper and toss it in the trash.

Me: I don't think that will make me feel better.

Her: Ok! Then put the toddler in the car, drive to McDonalds, order a cone and when you give the lady your money, slip your piece of paper in with your money and drive away!

Me: [imagining the look on the cashiers face, Stripper in her giant SUV with 8 kids.......] Have you tried this before?

Her: No! I flush mine down the toilet!

Me: Won't that clog your toilet eventually?

Her: Hasn't so far! I look at it this way. There's always someone out there who has it way worse and just as soon as you stop believing that, you'll find it out the hard way. Don't waste your time on the things that don't matter. Stop reading from that chapter. It already happened. It's time for the next book already! And if Frank ever mentions that the toilet is acting up, you don't know squat!

Me: That's for sure!

The moral of the story is......if you happen to work at my local McDonalds and one day you get a piece of paper that says "My toilet is clogged up and I don't have 2 pennies to rub together!", well, sorry! I had to do something. And like Stripper says "focus on the things that matter!" If you keep focusing on the things that cause the grief you need a swift kick. Everybody line up behind me! I'm first in line!

Super Woman



Me and My Mom.....be jealous of our outfits!



I want to take a minute to bring your attention to someone.

The working Mom......Super Woman.

The Mom who is going to school while raising a family, running a household, or working a full time job.

My Mom was a working Mom. She worked 2 jobs most of the time and put herself through school. She was that good. If I can be half the Mom she is to me, my kids will be the luckiest kids in the world. My Mom is like so many other Super Women.

If you know a Super Woman, I want you to do me a favor, tell her that she is doing an amazing job! Let her know that you think what she is doing is great. If you're at her house today, take out her trash! I wish someone would take out mine!

I bring this up because today I was "dealing" with a bit of attitude from my son, thinking.....If I treated my mom like this....I hope I didn't...... I don't think I was a bad kid. Maybe ......Ok..... I was difficult. When I was a teenager I was moody and unhappy for reasons that I couldn't explain. And I can only imagine how that made my Mom feel. I think the way I'm feeling now might be the way she felt then....Oh the stress! On top of me being difficult, she has always taken care of my Granny in one way or another. I think she could've used a break.....or someone to tell her that she was doing a great job and that all of her hard work was going to pay off. She raised me on her own. NO help from my dad. That's a major accomplishment! Way to Go MOM!

There are so many Moms out there doing the same thing. Putting their kids first, putting their own dreams dead last, taking care of their own parents or loved one.  

Please, encourage a Mom today. And If you know my Mom, give her a hug for me. I wish I was closer so I could do it myself. ~Thank you.

My favorite Tool.

Recently a friend of mine announced that her and her husband had split up and that they were filing for divorce. She's struggling with the idea and asked for some advice. You know, because I am the voice of reason........really? She asked me how I got through it myself. I had to think about it for a while since this is a volatile time in a woman's life. You have to be careful of what you say! I don't want to tell her about the things I did in the attempt to achieve peace and tranquility.....mostly it could get you arrested and honestly.....it didn't help me! It made me laugh.....but over all it did not work at all. But there is one thing I did to help distract me from the things that I wanted to do........

So, if I had to pass on a "TOOL" to help a woman get through a tough time it would most definitely be a book!

Not just any book.

I cannot wait! Eeek!

When I was at the beginning of my not-so-pretty break up, a friend of mine (who I think was pretty tired of seeing me cry and listening to my drama) gave me a stack of books that she thought I would enjoy. This came at the perfect time since my boys were set to spend their first weekend at their dads new place.

I seriously needed a distraction. Otherwise I was going to do something stupid.....like call my ex every 20 minutes to make sure his new girlfriend wasn't cooking for the boys or trying to make them call her Mom! Ewww! I popped a bag of popcorn, cut up an apple, opened up a fresh jar of Nutella and plopped down on the couch with my stack of books. As I sorted through them I realized that it was a series of books. And you guessed it, all by the wonderful Janet Evonovich! "One for the Money" obviously is book #1! So, I began to read. I had never heard of the series and didn't bother to read the back of the book to find out what the jest of the book would be. An hour into my veg session and I was hooked! I instantly fell in love with the characters! It was just the distraction I needed. ( And probably saved me from getting myself arrested...I'm not perfect)

I realize that a book cannot make you completely forget about your worries. But, as I've said a million times,  reading can be a sweet escape from it for a short period of time. Books can give you hope. A good story can inspire you and make you laugh. And a story can also make you cry. This series has never made me cry! That is why I think it's the perfect tool to get you through that tough time in your life!

I'd like to take this time to thank Janet Evonovich for creating such a fantastic series. (The Stephanie Plum series.) I truly believe it helped me get through my divorce. I love how Stephanie is stumbling through her own life after a divorce, granted she hits a lot of speed bumps along the way, blowing up cars and etc. But that's what makes it so great! She is far from perfect but perfectly great at the same time. Does that make sense? Anyway, don't wait for the movie! Get the book and be prepared to laugh!

Holding on, letting go

 Letting go of life's most hurtful experiences can be hard. It has taken me a long time to let go of some things. I don't think I have actually been able to let go of the dislike I have for my ex-husbands girlfriend. Until now.....

Let me tell you a true story...... 

Let's go way back to when I was a teenager. Many. Many. Many years ago. Motley Crue is singing about Dr. Feel Good. I'm perched at the dining room table watching my Mom work on a ceramic piece. We were kind of nerdy and we painted ceramics back in the day. I actually loved to do that with her! She was good! She likes to claim that she isn't crafty at all but she was a genius with a paint brush and ceramics. I loved to watch her paint.

She painted these Indian heads. Spent a lot of time on them. You can tell by looking at them. I loved them. And when she talked about getting rid of them I almost choked on my Mt. Dew! How could she possibly get rid of them when she spent so much time on them? Sure, they didn't exactly fit into her decor anymore but come on! They are beautiful! So, I took them! And they traveled with me whenever I moved and that was a lot for a while. My husband back then was a military man. Each time we moved,  I treated them like an ancient artifact, knowing that if they ever got broken, they would never be replaced. They were special to me. And even though they didn't match my motif, I held on to them and displayed them in my room, on a shelf high above the kids reach. Every time I saw them I thought about my Mom, shining, doing something she was marvelous at! It made me feel good.

Fast forward a few years to 2007. At this point in my life I'm in the midst of a total break down. I'm much older. Motley Crue is probably planning a reunion tour by now for crying out loud. My husband and I are getting a divorce and I am a walking zombie, moving around the house we rescued together trying to decide what I can take with me when I go. Wherever that might be. I pack up all of the things that I absolutely cannot live without! My Moms Indian heads are the first thing to be packed...... That was one of the hardest times of my life. Walking around that house looking at all of those memories was heart wrenching. I couldn't focus. Then one day my friend told me that the only thing in that house that I really needed to worry about were my boys.....and my best bra! The rest was replaceable! And while I had my mini break down, she came over and helped me pack.

But, as helpful as she was at the hardest time of my life, She  was wrong! Remember, those Indian heads!! The ones that were not replaceable in my eyes. Of course in the heat of the moment you don't think about those things. You just sit there in a daze! Not knowing where to start or if starting is really even worth it! It broke my heart. Anyway.......The Indian heads got left behind in the mess. The box got put in the wrong place I guess. And in the chaos I just forgot and my friend didn't know any better. Bless her heart for helping!

Well, The years have gone by. The ex moved into our house and it has been years since I've even thought about the things I left behind. He keeps saying I need to come over and go through the things in the basement. But I can't step foot in that house. I break out in hives sitting in the driveway. I just can't do it. But, recently I had to stop by the house to get some of my sons things that he left from the week with his dad. I knocked on the door, knowing that the girlfriend was there, wondering why it was taking her so long to get to the door. Our dog, is at the door barking and I want to open the door and scoop him up for some quick kisses before she gets there. But, I don't. It's not my house anymore and I don't think he even knows who I am. Then I see her coming toward the door. She's holding something in her hand that I can't make out through the screen door. Then it hits me.

I think my heart stopped for about a second. Tears immediately filled my eyes and that day, the day I packed them in the box, every time that we moved, all of the memories and heart ache, all of the pride for my Moms hidden talent, the memories of her swift hand holding a paint brush......it all came back to me. I snatched those Indian heads out of her hands so fast and said "Oh! My GOD! Thank you! Thank You! Sooo much!". And suddenly she wasn't the person that played a part in the demise of a family. She was a person who cares deeply for my boys. A person who keeps in touch with the boys when their dad can't. She was a person returning something very special to me. Who knows why. Maybe she thinks they are hideous and wants them out of her house. It is her house now. I don't need to be in it anymore. So, the Indians are with me now. Back home where they belong, on a shelf, high above little hands or bouncing balls. I'm holding on to these indian heads. But, I'm letting go of the hate and the bad memories. Only good from now on!

I don't know what feels better. Letting go of the bad memories or holding on to the good memories.