OOTZ

Recently, I posted on my facebook page that I would be stepping out of my comfort zone and entering a few photos in a photo contest at a local gallery. I am not a professional photographer. I take my pictures using my iPhone and various photo apps. I like to take pictures. I'm a picture hoarder. Do I think my photos are the cats meow? No. I think I like them and honestly, when it comes to my photos that's all that matters. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I am beholding my photos. (Yeah. I don't know what that's suppose to mean, if anything. I just felt like saying it)

SO, let's recap. I've shared the fact that I am not comfortable with putting myself out there, which is strange since I put myself out there on facebook and on here. I've stepped outside of my comfort zone, something that I promised to do more of in the new year.

Side note... when will 2013 stop being the NEW YEAR? Can I stop saying "New Year" yet? Ok. Moving along.

My wonderful cousin, who has been such a great role model to me... mother of the year, best friend of the year and wife of the year... You name it and I think she's won the award or deserves it...well, anyway she suggested that we form a group and support each other as we tackle things that are out of our comfort zone, hence the title of this post Out Of The Zone...OOTZ.

Are you the type of person that stays within your safe compartment, afraid to step out for whatever reason? Maybe there's something you've been dying to do but just can't find the courage. Well, this is the group for you. From time to time throughout the year I will post a new challenge. I want you to take part even if it's something you think you're comfortable with because you may think that you're alright with something until you do it. I thought I was alright with sharing my writing projects with someone and then found out that it scared me to the point where I couldn't sleep.

OK. So, our first task is going to be a baby step. Or at least to me. We're going to try a food that we haven't had but want to have but haven't had the courage to try. That was too many buts, but... if you've already tried lamb then find something that you haven't tried and try it because LAMB is our food to try. I don't care if you cook it or order it at a restaurant. I am cooking my lamb. It will probably be one of those things that I do while the kids are in school. A lunch for one. I'll share my recipe if that's the case. I'll be checking in with a progress report and please feel free to chime in and share your thoughts. I do look forward to hearing from you. If you would like to add a task to tackle then please share that too!

Let's do this!

They smell

This is going to be one of those posts where you say to yourself, "What the hell was that all about" and in the end I will tell you so don't get your panties in a bunch half way through. This is probably something you don't want to hear but I'm going to share anyway because I think Moms of little ones, boys in particular, will appreciate it.

When my boys were little I realized that they had this smell to them. It was sweaty socks, potato chips and dirt all mixed together. I tried to mask it when people came to visit, I lit candles and sprayed air freshner. But, I learned to love that smell, call me crazy but I did. It's the truth. Fabreeze only masked the scent and after a while I just stopped trying to cover it up because I realized that it made me feel good. As long as my house smelled like my little boys that meant I was still blessed and nobody had taken them from me yet because I left them standing in the driveway that time. Yeah. I did it. Shoot me. I came back. What do you want from me?

So, anyway, the boys haven't been little in a long time. My youngest is damn near six foot tall and the oldest is right there with him. Did I mention they are sixteen and seventeen? I know! I was five when I had them.

I made the fancy vest...

The holidays are over and they have come home from a visit with their dad. They always show up when I have the house smelling like bleach and Mom, you know that smell. It's pot roast, cookies and fabric softener. No sign of boy at all. But as they started to unpack I realized that they didn't bring that little boy scent with them. Hang on... I need a Kleenex.

Ok. I'm alright. Where did that little boy scent go? Now it smells like hot sauce, axe body spray and sweaty socks. It's a manly smell and no matter how many scented candles and bags of potato chips I open I can't get that little boy smell back.

I want that smell back.

I can't have it though. So, in a few years they'll be moved out and I'll be left with my Mom smell again and when they visit and bring all of their dirty laundry I'll be the freak standing at the washer, crying with my face buried in one of their shirts, sniffing as if it belongs to Tom Hardy.

My point is, stop spraying fabreeze and lighting your scented candles because there is no better smell than little boy.

NaNoWriMo

It's National Novel Writing Month! If you read my previous post you know that I am participating and have set a goal of 50,000 words which is the size of a Novel... Hence the title of the post. I have yet to finish a novel. I've had plenty of good ideas but haven't been to complete the projects I've started. This time it's a little different though. I feel as if my current work in progress has a good direction and the best part is, I'm making good time and feel as if the words are flowing out and make sense!! Bonus.

If you're participating in NaNoWriMo you should definitely read your messages on the site. I find them very inspirational and was happy to see that some big name authors have also participated over the years. It's nice to read their personal stories and reminds me that it's not alright to give up on my dreams. We have to start somewhere!

 

 

But, I think it's also important to find yourself a fellow writer who is trying to tackle this NaNoWriMo thing too. You can lean on each other when your family feels neglected and doesn't understand because lets face it... Not every husband or child gets it, this writing thing. They don't understand our passion or why we would even consider going all night, fingers to the keyboard. And that can crush a dream faster than my son can kill a weeks worth of groceries!

 

SO, Grab a friend and motivate each other!! 

The things we don't talk about Volume One

There are things that families don't speak of. Suicide.

The word makes my heart race. It scares me. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. And this is where I have to take a break to gather myself, wipe the tears away and when my kids walk through the room and flash me a questioning look... I can't explain to them what the problem is because I can't speak of it.... out loud.

Suicide.

It happens. I bet you know someone who has tried it or maybe unfortunately accomplished it. I'm sorry for your loss or the stress it put on you and your family. And if the case may be, I'm sorry that you went through it yourself.

I remember standing at the kitchen sink. It was a bad day. A lot of stress. We had just moved into our first house. We were renters for years and this house was a big deal. We did all of the remodeling ourselves and even though me and my husband at the time didn't agree on the decor, we managed to meet in the middle and I was pretty exhausted by the whole process.

I was having female issues, had been on my period (sorry guys) for 72 days and the doctor put me on birth control to try to help it end. I was taking 4 birth control pills a day! I was an emotional wreck. The kids were at odds and my oldest boy was causing problems in school. I felt like a failure and wondered if my family would be better off without me. Other problems arose and I thought it was all too much to deal with.

Now, I cannot believe I was ever in that place emotionally/mentally.

I was washing dishes and watching the cars drive on the road behind our house. They travelled at high speeds since it was a country road. And then suddenly I put my dish rag in the sink and moved toward the door, into the back yard because I knew that all I had to do was step out into the road at the last minute and it would all be over.

No more pain. No more sadness. NO more disappointment. No more ME.

And now I know, no more future. No more Toddler or new husband. No more writing group. No more pictures to prove I grew monster tomato plants. No more dreams. No more laughter. No more seeing how well my kids grew up despite my efforts to warp them... mwahaha!

I didn't make it to the road....obviously. I can't say that it was my kids who pulled me out of that ugly place. It wasn't even my husband. It was my Mom and the fact that I was always so afraid to disappoint her. I knew that she would be devastated if I stepped out in front of that truck. I didn't want her to be heart broken. She is the one person in my life, at that point that I knew loved me unconditionally.

I know better now.



Two Tomato plants at war for one space...who will win?

So now my secret is out. You know now.

I bring this up because I've recently been reminded of that day. My seventeen year old had a fight with his girlfriend and you know how teenagers are. I looked into his eyes and felt the panic flood in. I wanted to run around the house and hide the rat poison and pain killers. I wanted to throw out the knives and sharp objects. Hell, I even considered hiding the power tools. I saw the signs. Feeling unworthy, hiding away, horrible mood swings.


Please know that however bad it is for you at this very moment, it gets better! But you have to give it a chance to get better first. Don't give up! And please, ask for help. That is the hardest part of getting through, admitting that it happened or could happen. Or at least for me it was.

1-800-273-talk or 1-800-273-8255

That's the number for the Suicide Prevention Hot line. They have a slogan... With help comes hope. It is the truth. You need a little help and then you'll start to see that there is hope! I promise! I know!! It will get better!

Undecided

This is a parenting post...In case you were expecting something writing related. I don't want to disappoint you by rambling on about the toddler. You've been warned but don't worry. This is not about constipation. I've posted about that before and a few people complained. It happens, get over yourself.


Moving on......


The toddler. Miss E. Her royal highness. She has many names here at the Imperfectionists Guide. She's three years old.....Is she still a toddler? Anyway, doesn't matter. Lately, she has decided that she is indeed, a BOY! At first, I thought "Well, we haven't explained to her what makes boys and girls different." and now that we've told her over and over that she is a girl, she still insists that she is a boy. Actually, she gets very upset if you try to tell her otherwise.


This is where I unveil my true identity......I'm a selfish Mama. I want my baby girl, the pretty little princess that likes to wear pigtails and cute frilly outfits and sparkly shoes. I have two teenage boys. I've always been outnumbered and it would be great to have my sweet baby girl to paint toenails with.


But, then there's the side of me that wants a child who is happy with her own identity or comfortable in her own skin. I don't want her to feel awkward at all. Being a kid, nowadays, is hard enough.

And as I write this, she is changing her clothes yet again, something more girly, complete with sequined hat! I don't ask if she's a boy or girl today. I just go with the flow, skaking my head and smiling.

Some days she brings me the hair brush and ponytail holder and asks me to put her hair up. Other days she refuses to let me because she says "Boys don't wear their hair up!" I feel like I live with someone with multiple personalities!

When I was a teenager I pierced my nose with a very large safety pin. Yikes! My Mom was furious and refused to look at me while I had the tiny gold ball in my nose. I didn't do it because my friends thought it was cool. I did it because it felt right (nevermind the fact that it hurt like hell)! I don't know how many times people stopped and asked me "Why?" and at that age, 16 or 17, I had no idea to explain to people that I did it because I wanted to. Most people didn't understand that concept. They only understood "right and wrong" or what was acceptable. My Mom, being the super MOM that she is told me to keep the hideous gold ball but she wasn't happy about it. Eventually, it ran its course and I took it out, only to repierce my nose many many years later! It's who I am. I have tattoos and I wouldn't change it for anything. I don't mind being different.

So, here I am, with a daughter who is undecided on her gender. Or is she? Maybe she's surrounded by so many boys that she has taken on thier identity, fitting in with the crowd. Maybe Mama needs to wear more dresses and makeup! lol Maybe like me and my nose piercing, she will grow out of it and take it back up when she's an unhappy adult! We will see! :)

The Wonderful World of Why

I, somehow, survived the Wonderful World of Why with my two boys.

What is that, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. If you have kids you already know this and you're smiling. You know that a child will typically ask "Why" a million times........in one day! Am I right?

My toddler is right around the corner from the Wonderful World of Why right now. I can hardly wait to visit it with her (insert parental sarcasm). She's going to be fun. She is too smart for the blow-off answers. I know this already.

Yesterday, she asked if we could go to McDonald's for a happy meal. I told her no. She wasn't hearing that. "Please! Please! Please!" she begged. I tried to turn up the radio to drown her out. (Bad Mama) It didn't work. I was running out of will power and had to come up with something super quick, before we drove past the local McD's.

"McDonald's is closed! The stove is broken" I said, as we passed a full McDonald's parking lot. I bit my lower lip and hoped she would let it go, move on to something else.

 Nope!

"Mama! They're not closed. Look at the cars!" she cried.

She cried!!! What was I suppose to do? Ugh!

I was weak. It doesn't happen often. Don't judge me!

Anyway, apparently, my 15 year old is still traveling through the Wonderful World of Why. I was snapping pictures of the toddler in the driveway. I like to lay in the driveway with my iphone and snap pictures while she plays with sidewalk chalk. Yes, I said "I lay in the driveway". Again, don't judge. He asked me "Why are you always taking pictures? You take pictures of EVERYTHING!"

He's right! I do! I take pictures of things that other people don't pay attention to, or would not care the least bit if it no longer existed tomorrow.

Why? It's simple. Because I can and I want to. It makes me happy. I do it because I want to hold on to these things forever. I want to hold on to the beautiful rose bush that grows along our driveway. But what is it about having to justify our decisions to people that drives me crazy or makes me second guess myself? I know I'm not alone, a lot of people do it too. Someone questions why we wear our hair a certain way and BAM! Now you wonder if you look horrible. Forget what they think! If you are happy doing it, then do it! Make yourself happy. It's all part of loving yourself. You have to love yourself!!! Don't ask why! Do it.

Pulling me down hard.

This week there is an inner struggle going on in my head. So many things that I shouldn't let pull me down, into depression, things that I have no control over, that happened a long time ago. I just can't push it out of my head. You know how you go over the what ifs? Well, those are the things that I struggle with.

There are a lot of things that I have been able to let go of, push them out, come to terms with the fact that it happened and I can heal and move on but there are also things that I just keep holding on to and I get angry with myself for allowing it to happen.

 Two years ago, at a very inconvenient time in my life, I was pregnant. Oh what a blessing! Ummm. Sure. In my case it was more like "Oh Crap! Where are we going to fit one more person in the budget let alone the house or my Jeep!?" We live in a small 3 bedroom house and we barely have room for all of us. Bursting at the seams is an understatement.

Please don't think I'm ungrateful and wouldn't love a new baby to pieces because I finally wrapped my head around it and came to terms with the fact that I was going to be splitting my time between 4 beautiful children. I was in love with the idea actually. However, other members of the household weren't so happy and it was a bit of a buzz kill.

I pushed on though.

We tip toed around the pregnancy subject for a while until everyone became more comfortable with the idea and soon it didn't seem like such a bad thing. Sure, we were going to be so broke we'd have to grow our own food and sell everything we valued to keep afloat but how is a baby ever a bad thing?


Things with the pregnancy were normal, my levels were normal blah blah! I was tired all the time and couldn't keep up with the toddler but I managed. I took my vitamins, cut out 97 percent of the caffeine and ate way more fruits and veggies than humanly possible. I craved salads all the time. I would wake up in the middle of the night and want a salad!

Soon I was picking out names, for a boy. Little overalls and plaid shirts were all I saw. A sweet little boy in a ball cap, chasing my husband around, that's what I imagined. It was a sweet thought but a thought that would sadly never become reality.

There are so many women out there who suffer the loss of a child. No matter how far along we are into the pregnancy there is always the "would've been's or what if's", always that heartache. We ask ourselves what we did wrong. I've gone over it in my head so many times. Was I not a good enough mom? I would've made it work, I know it! What else could I have done?

Does it matter now? It's in the past. I guess not but there's still that idea that I did something wrong or that maybe I was wrong to think I had enough love to go around. Why do we do this to ourselves? I think it's a quality that all mothers have, the ability to take on things that are out of our control and then feel extreme guilt when we can't move mountains.

I went in for a regular appointment for a check up. I felt fine. The midwife helped me onto the "slab" to listen to the baby's heart beat and after about 10 minutes of searching, she brought out the ultrasound machine...........my baby didn't have a heartbeat.

I could see her tiny little nub hands and feet. She was bigger than I thought she would be. All I could do was stare at her black and white image on the screen. I couldn't cry. I felt like someone was sitting there telling me "Sorry, you're just not what we're looking for right now. You can't be this child's mother." It's so silly now that I think about it. I felt like I couldn't cry in front of anyone over a baby I didn't deserve or didn't have the money to support in the first place.

And yes, it turns out, the baby was a girl but you know what, she would've been the cutest little thing in overalls and a ball cap, just like her big sister.

The next day, I had surgery. I came home in a daze and silently mourned my baby, the baby that I felt I had no right to mourn. I refused to ask for help. I stayed in my room and hid from my family, refusing to pick myself back up because I didn't feel I deserved to.

Time has gone by so fast that it hardly seems like two years. Yet, here I am, beating myself up on the Internet. A pile of Kleenex sitting on the table by my laptop. Ewww. I'll make sure to use a Clorox wipe later. This is not a cry for sympathy. This is a call for women to stop beating ourselves up over things that we just can't control. I'll have my cry and then I'll keep going because to do it any other way would be counter productive.

Encourage Then stand back.

I wouldn't say I was ever discouraged by my mom when it came to expressing myself or creativity. I mean, she let me walk around with an earring in my nose when I was 15 years old. Keep in mind that this was taboo at the time! My mom tolerated it and I love her for that. She let me hang tiny mirrors all over my bedroom which didn't look bad but the toothpaste I used to adhere the mirrors didn't smell great after a while.

My Granny on the other hand, well she encouraged me to sew and embroidery but then nit picked the way I did things. I did beautiful embroidery! I just didn't do it her way. I didn't do most things her way and this caused many many bad days in my house.

My thoughts, as a parent, encourage the kiddos to be creative and then get the hell out of the way! Let them do their thing! Today the toddler found my iPhone laying on the table, brought up my hipstamatic app and began snapping pictures! She did an amazing job of capturing things as she sees them! I let her do it! This is how we help our kids feel comfortable with who they are! Now when she comes with her face pierced.....I'm going to have to remind myself that she has to have a sense of individuality! Oy!

Get a Theme Song

Do you suffer from severe negativity? Do your facebook status updates read like a broken record, reporting over and over that your life sucks and you're tired of being used and unhappy? Well, YOU my friend need to get a theme song!

I have a theme song!

And when I'm out and about, picking the kids up, grocery shopping or at home doing my thing I'm imagining that this song is playing! If they made a movie of my life this song would definitely be playing at some point in the movie!

I think a song can set the mood. If you watch the Ultimate Fighter competitions you'll notice that the fighters make their way to the octagon while a song blasts over the PA system. The fighter or his manager or whoever picks a song that will set the mood or simply say "I'm a bad ass MO FO! And I'm going to put my knee in your eye socket!".

So, do you see what I'm saying? If you have a theme song to keep you motivated or positive you might be happier. Stop letting other people influence your mood and take your happiness into your own hands by choosing your own theme song. Heck, I have an entire soundtrack! I listen to it all the time. Sometimes I have to change it up a bit and add new songs as they come out but, I keep a positive stream of music playing to keep my mood out of the ditch!

You are the master of your own universe! You can choose to do the things that make you happy or you can depend on others to make you happy. But, I'll tell you this........That person can take off in a heartbeat and then you're left not knowing how to make yourself happy!

What's your THEME SONG?

The best place to be kicked out of.....

I've been kicked out of restaurants. I've been kicked out of the mens bathroom.......It was an honest mistake! Really! Who wants to be in a men's bathroom anyway? But, the best place I've been kicked out of is My Own Bed!

These are the things that keep me smiling. Throughout the day my daughter and I fight back and forth about various things. She's three. I'm old enough to know better. I'm the Mama! I'm the boss here! But, despite this motto I have yet to convince her that I wear the big crown in this house and she is a Queen in training! Bathtime is not a pleasant experience but it is neccesary when she has food in her hair. Bath time brings on a lot of crying and begging (on my part) and then I have to use force. She's a little stronger than I remember her brothers being at her age. Most of the time I end up with just as much soap and water on me as she has on her. The problem with that, I'm already in the clothes I'm planning to wear for the day. A lesson learned I guess. She doesn't like to wear certain things. She has a style of her own. So, getting dressed can sometimes turn into a diva moment and I don't tolerate it very well. "Get dressed or you'll be naked when we pick up your brothers." I know it sounds harsh but, I am not a fan of being bullied by my own daughter. Sometimes it feels like she is bullying me though. I sit her down and calmly explain to her that she hurt my feelings when she screamed at me and that I understand that she wants to wear her favorite shirt for the 4th day in a row but the yogurt stain on it is starting to take on healing qualities and I think it needs to be harvested in the wash. She just doesn't understand or care. She puts her hand over my mouth and says "Enough". It's a never ending battle. But then there's always a moment or two when she does something that just makes my heart sing. A random hug. Or moments like tonight when I come to bed and find her not only in my bed but in my spot........with a sales paper and a flashlight. I asked her if I could have my spot back and she looks up and says "Nope." ..............Gotta love her!

They have no idea.

I tell my kids I love them everyday, several times a day. They have no doubt in their mind that I love them. They see the sacrifice and they know it's because they are worth it. But, I don't know if they really no why.

photo by the amazing Anna Marie Pictorials

 I'm suppose to love them. They're my kids. But, it's more than that. There are so many things that set them apart, things that I have fallen in love with over the years. This got me thinking. Do my kids know why I love them?  Does my Mom know why I love her? Does she know what I admire about her? I could write a book about the things that make my Mom a rock star. But, I don't think she knows that or that the kids could tell me what I love about them.

A week ago, I asked my facebook friends how to help teenage girls feel better about themselves. I don't think anyone answered me........lol. I guess everyone was just as clueless. Then I was talking to my best friend who has been in Australia for the last 2 months, away from her children who are here in the states. She's there taking care of her father who is battling Liver Cancer. The doctor gave him about 6 months to live..........a year ago. So, God has blessed them with a little more time together. Anyway, I asked her how things were going. She had a hard time speaking. She was too emotional. It choked me up. See. Jessi lived almost 40 years without knowing her father. Just over 2 years ago they re-united and began the healing process, getting to know one another. And now she is losing him. It is so bittersweet. She sits by his bed and reads the bible to him every day. As she was reading to him that morning he stopped her and said " Jessi Rose, I love you. And I need you to know why I love you so much. I know I'm suppose to love you because you're my flesh and blood. But, it's what is in your heart that I have fallen in love with." And then he rattled off a long list of accomplishments that made him proud of her. Jessi, is a flawed person like me. She's made mistakes. But, she has overcome so much. Her heart is so full of love and she gives so freely. I admire her. She has struggled with low self esteem like many of us. There are things in her past that make her feel unworthy of so much love. When her dad told her all of the reasons why he loves her I think it gave her a boost. All we want is to be loved and for someone to approve of us. Isn't that true?

And that's when I realized.......This is how we teach our children how to feel better about themselves, to have better self esteem. The answer was so obvious it almost makes me feel silly for asking. We have to keep reminding them they are worth it and tell them why we love them. They probably have no idea.

New Lifestyle

Today is the first day of the rest of my new life......I mean lifestyle.

I am learning that making diet changes and becoming more active is a lifestyle change. So, I'm going to make a list of the things I will do differently from now on.

Carry a water bottle instead of a styrofoam cup of Mt. Dew and ice everywhere I go.

Park at the back of the parking lot no matter where I go.

Take the stairs, always, no matter how many floors up!

Grilled, never fried. Or nothing at all til you get home.

No ice cream.

No Sweet Tea.

No candy bars.

More veggies & protien.

Always eat breakfast.

Stay active.

Stay positive.

Stay Focused.

My Personal Trainer.......jk

This is going to be a challenge. I was an hour into this epiphany yesterday and almost fell off of the wagon. I stopped at the gas station after picking my son up from school. I would normally walk into the store and head straight to the fountain drink machine. Yesterday, it was no different until my son grabbed me by the shoulders and directed me to the cooler that held bottled water. Good looking out Son! I bought a very large bottle of water. I noticed as we were driving I kept reaching for my styrofoam cup......it wasn't there. It's just habit. So, I am re-programming myself to reach for a bottle of water instead. More water! I am not giving up pop, or as some say, soda. I am simply cutting back. I am proud to say that I have not had Mt. Dew in 24 hours. Tonite when I go to the movies to see "One for the Money" I will have a cup full of ice and Mt. Dew. Let's see if I can control my urge to chug it! I'm not much of a candy person when I watch a movie. I use to eat popcorn until it began to irritate my stomach. I'm a chip person! I love salty chips! If they had some baked lays I might be open to a bag of those but if not, I will refrain from snacking. Eating a sensible dinner before hand is my best bet!

At some point during the upcoming week, I will have someone take my measurements so I can keep track of my starting point. Last night I visited Anytime Fitness, if you're not familiar with them, you can find them online. I am not sure if they are in your area. I am impressed with the local set up. They have a tanning bed for crying out loud! I spent an hour on the treadmill. I was a little jelly legged when I got done. But, it felt good to move. I'm on a 14 day trial run. In 14 days I will decide if I want to buy a membership. I figure the money I'm saving on not buying fountain drinks will pay for my membership if I do decide to join. I feel like I am more likely to work out if I am a member. If I try to do it at home.........it's probably not going to happen. I will have so many lame excuses staring me in the face if I try to "do it" at home.

I've made this choice, to lose weight, be more active, eat healthier because I want to set a good example for my family. Not just my kids. My husband, My Mom, my friends, the girls I mentor.........I want to be the best me! I want to live longer! I want to wear my Capt. Jack Sparrow shirt again. I won't wear it in public......often. I just really like that shirt! And it's a belly shirt on me now. So, I think if I shrink myself, I'll fit!

This is a big thing to ask. But, would you join me? Would you be willing to make the change too? Make the changes to be a healthier person. Work with me! We can encourage each other! Come on! Pour out that sugary drink! Get your stretchy pants on! Let's get moving!

The Great Tattoo Debate




 

I have always been a fan of body art. When I was a kid I would draw tattoos on my barbies. They usually washed off before my Mom saw them. I turned 18 and got my first tattoo. I was renting a room from my uncle at the time and when he saw the tattoo he flipped out. He told me that if I couldn't follow the house rules I would have to move out.......Apparently, he had a house rule for his children.....No tattoos! Newsflash....I'm not your kid. Whatever. Let's not bring up the badly done tattoos he was sporting! I think back to it now, the tattoo I got.......not my favorite. It's a tribal looking "thing". After that I was kind of lost when it came to tattoos. I never knew what to get. I just knew I had to have one more. Then another. And another. I only have.......let me count them.......4 tattoos.....wow it seems like there should be more! Now that I have a steady mind, if you can call it that, I have made a promise that each tattoo I get should have meaning or represent who I am, or people who have touched my life. I especially love the tattoos that tell a story. An entire back piece dedicated to firefighters who have given their life to saving others, the world trade center, a battle with cancer. The list goes on and on. To each his own. It's your skin.



sorry....bad photo!

Recently, my 16 (almost 17) year old son has decided he would like a tattoo. Hmmmmm? Let me think about it. No. Not because I want to be the mean mom. I just think you need to think about it long and hard before you get that first tattoo. I bet if you asked the first tattooed person you saw after reading this if they truly loved their first tattoo they would say NO! I don't like mine. I would love to cover it. But it's one of those tattoos that would be a B!tch to cover up. It's all black. I'll post a picture. If my son came to me and said "Mom, I want to get a tattoo on my back that says "Mom"......I would have a hard time saying No to that. lol! You've got your whole life ahead of you and lots of skin to  cover son! Don't rush into it.

But then again.......You only live once. This is when the little angels on my shoulder duke it out! The Good angel is shocked that the Bad angel is considering letting her son get a tattoo even if it says MOM! And the Bad angel is......Oh! My!.......I can't even tell you what she just did! And here I am, telling them both that I would not let him get a tattoo without the permission of his father and that both his father and I should be there when he gets said tattoo.......And that's final!

In loving memory of Connie Sue

This is one of those times when I know I should lead by example and lately I have been itching to get a new tattoo. I've thought long and hard about what I would get. I really think it's time to work on that leg warmer! (My sister in law says it's a leg warmer) I want to add to the leg that has the magic wand and the tribal "thing" and since the magic wand is a symbol for my Aunt who passed away I thought maybe it would be cool to make that "leg warmer" a collage of memorial tattoos..........Is anyone buying this at all? It makes sense to me. I guess that's all that matters. So, if my son came to me and said "Mom, I want to get this tattoo because it means this to me.........", would I let him do it? Still not sure.

Now, if he said to me "I want to get a mustache tattooed on my finger......I'd say "NO!"....but I would secretly laugh about it. Because you have to admit. That's just funny!

Yes GOD, you were right!

Every once in a while I have to be reminded that life is not as bad as it could be and that I need to embrace it as it is. This is my theory. God sends me messages........please don't think I'm nuts.....well, actually I do tend to fall of my rocker occasionally. But this time, it's a legit belief! I've messed up my back, need physical therapy. But let's rewind a bit to the beginning of December. I was stressed beyond belief over finances, not being able to find a job that will work around my MOM schedule (driving the kids to and from school, taking care of the toddler without employing a daycare) and feeling FAT (I've gained a bit of weight in the past few months, about 20 lbs!!!) So, I was feeling like life was not where I needed it to be. I started doing a little walking with the toddler, dancing around the house more, ignored the fact that we couldn't even afford the everyday essentials and focused on the reasons that employers might find to not hire me and tried to improve on them. I was looking at a half full glass. No more half emptiness for me! Then I woke up one day and thought "Hmmmm, my back is a little stiff!" As the days went by the stiffness turned to pain. And by christmas I was miserable and ironically as I type this I'm listening to the acoustic version of Marroon 5 singing Misery..."I am in Misery, ain't nobody who can comfort me"...........bahaha!, not being able to move for fear that my back would spasm. I was eating advil like they were skittles (taste the rainbow.....sorry, I can't say skittles without saying that.....doh! Taste the rainbow!) Anyhooo, So, to GOD I say, Yes, I realize my life could be worse, thank you for reminding me. But is there any chance I could possibly get the use of my legs back anytime soon? If that's asking too much could I just be able to put on my own pants without crying? I have a kitchen full of pots and pans, food that hasn't been put back in it's place for a month. I'd love to be able to do that without asking for help. Or maybe that's the point of all of this. You want me to ask for help.............this could be a problem. I don't want help. I want to do it myself. I guess sometimes you just have to welcome help when it's offered. I don't have to like it though. But I am grateful. And a special thanks goes out to Adam Levine for singing me to sleep last night! You totally relaxed me.........ahhhh! The husband seemed to sleep better too!

DIY Dry Erase Board

Here's a useless fact about myself that you could probably go your entire life without knowing.......I use to work at a hospital. (Best Bunch of gals I ever had the pleasure of working with!) Anyway, one of the things I loved about my job there besides the gals I chummed it up with was.....wait for it because it's going to be the silliest thing.......the dry erase board! In the Nurses Station there was a massive dry erase board where the Unit Clerk would write the days line up. You know, that way everyone knew which Nurse and Assistant was assigned to which patients etc. I loved to doodle on that board. An inspirational saying or funny picture! It was fun! But it was ugly! 

Anyway, another useless fact.....I love to leave funny notes for my kids and hubby in the house. Occasionally, I might leave a note to remind them that I enjoy a clean living room floor or that I think they are the best family in the history of ALL families. Or maybe a funny qoute or fun fact. But, I don't have an ugly dry erase board! Oh! NO I do not! I made a fancy dry erase board because I am crafty like that!  And I also happened to have an empty frame hanging on my wall that needed something in it.......but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Did you know that you can use dry erase markers on glass just like you would on the dry erase boards? Of course you did! You can also use them on a mirror! How cool is that? So, don't be surprised if you walk into my bathroom and see "Clean the toilet" written on the mirror! And how cool would it be to have a Chore board for each kid in your house that looks good and trendy! It's super easy to make! The hardest part was hanging the frame straight......I have crooked frame syndrome! Don't laugh! It exists!

I used fabric left over from my wedding.....but use fancy paper if you want!

So, basically if you can put a picture in a frame......you can make this dry erase board! I cut my fabric to fit the frame, placed it in the frame, pretty side up and then replaced the back of the frame. DONE!

Bring on the New Year!

Go for a bike ride in 2012!!!

I am ready for 2012! I never got use to writing "2011". So why not just get right into 2012? This past year I didn't have any resolutions. So, this year I'm going to set a few goals for myself to work towards. I don't like the idea of giving up things as a New Years Resolution. People will promise to stop smoking. They'll join a gym and give up sweets or vow to change their ways, give up cussing. But, I think you should work toward gaining something. Pick up a good habit instead of getting rid of a bad one. For me, it's easier to start doing something instead of stop doing something! Make sense?

I've made a lot of promises to myself in the past few years and I am proud to say I've kept the promises I've made......for the most part. I always have room to improve! And now that I have proved to myself that I can to it, I might as well keep going. So, in 2012, these are a few of my goals:

Start my childrens book......I've always wanted to write a childrens book.

Have a girls night out!........Me, the girls, dinner which I will not be cooking, a glass of wine and a movie or a trip to the karaoke bar. NO kids! Home after 10 pm.

A date night with my husband!!! We haven't been to dinner alone in a year or more! Gasp! We didn't even have a honeymoon!

Start a quilt. Notice I say "Start". I am not handy with a sewing machine. This is something I will be needing assistance with. Or maybe I should just do it my way, learn as I go!

Exercise more. And at this point, walking to the mailbox each day would be more activity than what I have going on now. Sad but true.

Start a garden! I'd save a fortune on my grocery bill!

Get a[nother] tattoo. Nothing major just 2 words to remind me of where I've been.

Avoid a guest spot on "What Not To Wear" on TLC........I am one pair of yoga pants away from being on that show, I swear I need to step up my game! My Mom bought me make up when I got married. I think it's time to start wearing it. I use to never leave the house without earrings. Time to revive that habit! Act like I give a crap!

Start the cookbook my Mom and I plan on working on.....In a way, I've kind of started already! I've been stockpiling the recipes that she has passed down to me. They are safely tucked away in my dresser drawer, the dresser drawer that I can't open. It's stuck!  

So, there it is. I have 12 months to accomplish these things. I don't think any of the things I've listed are out of my reach! Tomorrow is New Years Eve. I'll be playing Jenga with the kids and the husband, eating a spaghetti dinner and reminiscing over all of the things we've overcome in the past year or two. In other words, I will be playing it safe, staying off the roads and away from the drunk drivers! Hope you have a safe but memorable start to the new year! And remember to set realistic goals!

You are my Sunshine

My Aunt & Sister

I've been lucky enough in my lifetime to know some truly amazing women. Two of which, I call my sisters even though we do not share the same parents. We have a sisterly bond that has been tried and tested over the years. We don't always see eye to eye but we support each other. I can always count on my sisters to hear my gripe and bring a new light to the situation. I thank God for them each and every day.

Recently, in craft class, the teenagers and I were discussing women who inspire us. Over the last few weeks the girls have been exploring their options after graduation. It's hard to know at that age what you want to be when you grow up so I suggested that they look to someone who they are inspired by. A sister..... Maybe a friend who has made it through college, followed a dream and found a great job or someone who is going in the direction they could possibly see themselves going in.Or someone who has overcome major obstacles like my sisters. Ask a teenage girl to name a woman who inspires them and you will most likely hear something like "Beyonce or Oprah!" and that's great! Both women are strong, independent women who have made great strides. But I wanted  them to find someone a little closer to home who they could interview. Someone local. This got my wheels turning. I had to ask myself.......

Who inspires me?

Sisters

I'm inspired by the people who follow their dreams, overcome obstacles to achieve their goals. I'm inspired by people who don't stop, never give up! Live the dream! The single Mom who busted ass to raise a family and make it through college to get that degree and run with the big boys! The Mom who single handedly put her kids through college! The young artist who kept focused and followed a dream to be a photographer after she blew the boys out of the water with her tattoo skills. Yeah! I love these women. They are ROCK STARS! They jump lifes hurdles like Wonder Woman! When my day looks like it's turning to gloom these women bring out the sunshine and I can see clearly! They make me want to keep going. They are showing me everyday that it is possible! Dreams do come true. You just have to work for it! So, ladies and gentlemen......Don't give up!

Hazelnut Mocha Bundt Cake

I swore that the crinkle cookies I posted before Christmas would be the last sweet recipe I would post til at least February! Well, I guess I lied. Because here I am, posting this recipe and it's not even January yet!

I was blessed with 2 amazing sister-in-laws! Thank you God! And this Christmas they both helped make the holiday a little better for my children and one of them gave me a gift I've always wanted..........a fancy bundt pan! I'm serious. I have wanted a bundt pan for a very long time. I don't know what it is about a bundt cake. Maybe it's the fact that they don't need fancy frosting or decorative flowers. The shape alone is fancy enough (to me).

Look at that Hazelnut Chocolate Ganache topping! Mmmmm

So, anyway, I made this bundt cake today with the help of my son. I've hurt my back and actually couldn't lift the bowl of cake mix to pour into the pan let alone whisk the ingredients together. He's a life saver! But, this is an easy cake to make. I have been staying away from packaged cake mixes lately, devoting myself to made from scratch cakes and I'm finding that it's actually fun to measure things and follow a recipe. Speaking of recipe.....here it is!

1 (12 oz) bag semi sweet chocolate chips
1/2 cup Nutella plus 3 tablespoons
3/4 cup canola oil
1 cup sugar
1 lg egg
2 cups all purpose flour
1/2 cup cocoa powder
1 table spoon baking soda
3/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup very strong coffee
1 cup buttermilk

1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Spray your fancy Bundt pan with non stick spray. I was generous with my spray.
2. In a small sauce pan, melt about 1/4 cup of your chocolate chips over low heat. Stir constantly! Adding your 3 tablespoons of nutella as you go. Once your chocolate is melted pour into a mixing bowl to cool slightly. Make sure you scrape the sides of the pan and get all of the tastey goodness out!
3. Meanwhile, sift your flour, cocoa powder, baking soda and salt into a separate bowl. Or you can whisk it all together. I like to use my sifter.
4. Now, back to your melted chocolate......whisk in the oil and sugar into your chocolate mixture until smooth. Then add in your egg. Once you have that all mixed add half of your flour mixture and half of the buttermilk and coffee. Mix until smooth and add in the rest of the flour mixture and buttermilk and coffee.
5. Pour your beautiful batter into your bundt pan and bake in the preheated oven for about 40 minutes or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean. Once the cake is done, place it on a wire rack to cool for about 8-10 minutes. Do not flip your pan yet!

6. While your cake is cooling enough to flip.......place the remainder of your chocolate chips in your saucepan, melt on low heat. Make sure to stir constantly! As it's melting add your 1/2 cup of Nutella. You can also add a tablespoon of canola oil to the chocolate mixture if you need to loosen it up a bit. When your chocolate is all melted, remove from heat and allow to thicken up a bit. While this is happening, you can flip your cake out of the pan onto your cake plate or whatever you plan on serving the cake on.

Now that you have your cake out of the pan you can pour your chocolate ganache onto your cake! There's no wrong way to do this! Just let it drizzle all over your cake! No need to smear it around. Just let it slide down the sides and look beautiful!

I used very strong coffee for my recipe! You don't have to use strong coffee if you don't want to! It will taste wonderful either way! And I would also like to say that if you're not a Nutella fan, you don't have to use the Nutella at all! You don't even have to substitute anything, just don't use it! But if you didn't know it was in there, you probably wouldn't be able to pick out the taste! The outer edges of this cake has a nice crunch to it while the inside was super moist! I am not ashamed to say that I ate 2 chunks of this cake! Tomorrow when I get up I'll have a small slab with a steaming hot cup of coffee! Breakfast of champions!

The BIG one.

Well, folks! I've hit my 100th post! This is it! I started this venture a little bit over a year ago and said "I'll try it for a year, if I don't enjoy doing it, I'll stop". I'm still going. Not because anybody likes it......I think the jury is still out on that matter. I am going to keep going because it feels like a purpose. One day, long in the future, when I can't remember a thing....I can look this up and say "Oh! I made that and it was cool!".....or "Oh! I do know how to cook".....Or "Wow! Did I really get on the roof with an airsoft gun to hunt down a rogue squirrel?"....."Did I really read 100 books in less than 2 years?".....Why yes I did!

100 posts about absolutely everything I can squeeze out of me....well, maybe not everything because this is somewhat censored! I cook, I craft and I parent with pure passion and slight touch of  motivation. And I do it because it makes ME happy. 
I want to thank every single one of you who have put up with me, followed me, took the time to read what I put out there and laughed with me. You were with me when I faced my fear of teenage girls and became a mentor to them. I am in love with these girls by the way. In the time that I have been doing my craft class with them, one of my lovely young ladies has found a forever home with a wonderful family. Another has moved on to college to become something great. I've learned so much from them. The thing I bring away from them is tolerance. I try to practice it each day...somedays it's a struggle.

I hope you stick around to see what I can get up to next. We read together, craft together and lately we cook together. In the future we'll review a movie or two together! I personally cannot wait to see "One for the Money" and "The Hunger Games". So, here's to the next 100 posts! Feel free to leave a line or two. Say hello! I do like to hear from you! Thanks again for your support! :)

Patience, My Child.

I don't know what I was thinking! My Mom recently sent a box of gifts for me to wrap! I have always wrapped my own gifts, for as long as I can remember! I don't mind! I like to wrap presents. So, anyway, she sent a box of gifts from Arkansas for the kids. I wrapped them while the toddler was napping. She is starting to understand what this Christmas business is all about. But she doesn't realize that what you give is suppose to be a secret. I didn't want her to tell the boys what I wrapped. And they would ask her to tell them. She wouldn't know any better. I wrapped the presents, placed them under the tree just so I could see how pretty it looked with gifts under it. Ahhhh! So beautiful. Then I got sidetracked by something. Could've been the dryer or something shiny! I'm easily distracted. Anyway, the gifts got left under the tree instead of hidden in a cabinet where they were safe from the toddler.

When the toddler, Miss E, woke up she discovered the presents and was so happy! Instant forehead slap! I explained to her that we had to wait for Santa to come and bring her a gift before we could open the ones under the tree! She seemed to be Ok with that. Whew! Well, not for long! I tromped off to the bedroom to put away laundry and while I was doing that the brothers tag teamed her and put the idea in her head to "tell Mama you want to open a present!". I love my boys but I think the influence they have over this child is criminal. That was the beginning of a horrible evening! For hours she could not be persuaded to wait! I wouldn't back down. I decided to leave the gifts under the tree instead of hiding them away the first chance I got. I'm trying to teach her that "No" means "Ain't happening! No matter how hard you scream! So get over it!"........Eventually, she calmed down and stopped screaming "Mama Mean!". Bedtime rolled around, I fell asleep, she stayed awake and the next thing I knew I woke up to "Thank you Santa Claus!"....................



Apparently she got into the snacks too!



Oh! NO! I forgot about the gifts under the tree! She got up and decided to open them! She ran into the bedroom, flipped on the light and said "Mama, look! My hat! Owl!"..........My Mom has a thing about owls lately! You'll see what I mean in an upcoming post. She buys Miss E pajamas with owls, shirts with owls etc. For Christmas she bought her this adorable Owl hat! It really is the cutest! Miss E loves it! I let her keep the hat but explained to her that Nana bought her the hat, not Santa. And we really should wait til Christmas day when Santa brings her a gift. She wasn't buying what I was selling so for a couple more hours I had to sweet talk her and coax her back to sleep.

So, my question......Do you wait til Christmas Eve to display presents or do you set yourself up for punishment by putting them out as soon as they are wrapped? I think for this household, we'll hide the presents from now on and I'll just chalk this one up to another Lesson Learned!