The Zombie Plan

I don't know about you but I like to use the time I spend with family at the holidays productively! Cut the chit chat and get right on down to business! I know your job sucks! I know your kids are over achievers and haven't missed a day of school in EVER! Your wife birthed all of your children naturally unless you count the un-natural screaming coming from her contorted body! Sorry about calling the exorcist! I really thought I was helping! And yes, you have already told me that you went coyote hunting with Dick Cheney and lived to tell about it! Congrats! Now let's talk about something important!

YOUR ZOMBIE PLAN!!!

I am totally kidding!

You don't have a zombie plan? What? That is crazy talk! You really should be prepared! I have secretly been training my boys to fight zombies! They think it's just a cool video game but honestly it's just a top secret training device! I am certain that when zombies do attack and our Twinkie supplies are completely depleted, we will be forced to use our noggins to fight them off and my boys will lead the fight with stealth, intelligence and lots of ammo.....right after we hit up the gun store! I've began stock piling supplies! I have 4 jars of pickles, a can of instant coffee, a package of D batteries, flash lights, glow sticks, coloring books, crayons, all seasons of Sons of Anarchy, band aids, bug spray and 400 gallon jugs for water hidden in the shed. I still have to put water in the jugs but since we pay for our water I'm having a hard time with that! I will keep working on it. 

Ohhhhhhh! Seriously! I'm kidding! I was just getting tired of cousin Tom. Yak! Yak! Do you ever find yourself in the position where you're facing off with that family member that has to go on and on about how great his or her life is, or how great their spouse or kids are? Do you ever just want to say "Oh! Yeah!? Well, I saved $345 on my car insurance?" Really, we don't get together at the holidays to hear cousin TOM verbally pat himself on the back for being a douche bag! We get together to give thanks for our many blessings! Let us be humble this holiday season and give thanks that cousin TOM might be humble too!