My favorite Tool.

Recently a friend of mine announced that her and her husband had split up and that they were filing for divorce. She's struggling with the idea and asked for some advice. You know, because I am the voice of reason........really? She asked me how I got through it myself. I had to think about it for a while since this is a volatile time in a woman's life. You have to be careful of what you say! I don't want to tell her about the things I did in the attempt to achieve peace and tranquility.....mostly it could get you arrested and honestly.....it didn't help me! It made me laugh.....but over all it did not work at all. But there is one thing I did to help distract me from the things that I wanted to do........

So, if I had to pass on a "TOOL" to help a woman get through a tough time it would most definitely be a book!

Not just any book.

I cannot wait! Eeek!

When I was at the beginning of my not-so-pretty break up, a friend of mine (who I think was pretty tired of seeing me cry and listening to my drama) gave me a stack of books that she thought I would enjoy. This came at the perfect time since my boys were set to spend their first weekend at their dads new place.

I seriously needed a distraction. Otherwise I was going to do something stupid.....like call my ex every 20 minutes to make sure his new girlfriend wasn't cooking for the boys or trying to make them call her Mom! Ewww! I popped a bag of popcorn, cut up an apple, opened up a fresh jar of Nutella and plopped down on the couch with my stack of books. As I sorted through them I realized that it was a series of books. And you guessed it, all by the wonderful Janet Evonovich! "One for the Money" obviously is book #1! So, I began to read. I had never heard of the series and didn't bother to read the back of the book to find out what the jest of the book would be. An hour into my veg session and I was hooked! I instantly fell in love with the characters! It was just the distraction I needed. ( And probably saved me from getting myself arrested...I'm not perfect)

I realize that a book cannot make you completely forget about your worries. But, as I've said a million times,  reading can be a sweet escape from it for a short period of time. Books can give you hope. A good story can inspire you and make you laugh. And a story can also make you cry. This series has never made me cry! That is why I think it's the perfect tool to get you through that tough time in your life!

I'd like to take this time to thank Janet Evonovich for creating such a fantastic series. (The Stephanie Plum series.) I truly believe it helped me get through my divorce. I love how Stephanie is stumbling through her own life after a divorce, granted she hits a lot of speed bumps along the way, blowing up cars and etc. But that's what makes it so great! She is far from perfect but perfectly great at the same time. Does that make sense? Anyway, don't wait for the movie! Get the book and be prepared to laugh!

The Misery Business

I'm not a private detective. I have never been trained in the art of interrogation and I most certainly have never been schooled on human behavior! But I know the tell tale signs of a cheater!

Hiding your cell phone, keeping it locked, not sharing the password, "working" a 60 hour work week but only getting paid for 40 and my favorite......an abnormally high phone bill because you exceeded your monthly text allowance. I call this the Misery Business! It's a very unpleasant thing to go through. They say "What doesn't kill you will make you stronger."......Ummm, it's more like "What doesn't kill you, just might destroy your trust in mankind."

It always seems that the faithful spouse is the last to know. Or if said spouse has the slightest clue that wrong is being done, the cheater squashes it and turns the tables, making the faithful spouse feel as if they are to blame or have done something horribly wrong by even bringing up the idea that his or her behavior might be a little suspicious! Women with low self esteem are easily brain washed into thinking this and usually have mixed emotions when it comes to taking initiative and leaving when the cheater is caught in the act. I should know.

Define Cheating: To me, it's not just having sex with someone else. There's an emotional stage too. I think you've crossed the line if you're sharing intimate details of your life with someone other than your spouse, confiding in them and not your significant other. Sorry, to me, that's cheating. Meeting someone who you find attractive and not telling them about your wife and kids......that's intent to cheat! If you're that unhappy, move on. Have the balls to look your husband or wife in the eye and say "I'm not happy and nothing you can do will make me happy!". It will be hard but in the end it will be the best way. Making a woman feel like a fool is probably not a good idea. Hell hath no fury! You've heard it before.

There are a million reasons why people cheat on their significant other. And even though I do believe in forgiveness, I don't believe in 3rd chances. Cheat, get caught, promise not to do it again and hold to your word. But saying you won't do it again and then doing it again......You gotta go! I don't know why anyone would put up with it a 3rd time. You're better than that. You deserve better. It won't get better unless you make the decision to move on, remove yourself from the situation. Don't look back except to learn from your mistakes.

Don't lose faith. I know it's hard to trust after being beat down mentally. You might feel like you're nothing and that you don't deserve better. But, you just have to believe that you are deserving of a good person to share your life with. You haven't set your standards too high! A healthy relationship is one where both parties are considerate and loving. Not manipulative and hurtful.