OOTZ

Recently, I posted on my facebook page that I would be stepping out of my comfort zone and entering a few photos in a photo contest at a local gallery. I am not a professional photographer. I take my pictures using my iPhone and various photo apps. I like to take pictures. I'm a picture hoarder. Do I think my photos are the cats meow? No. I think I like them and honestly, when it comes to my photos that's all that matters. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I am beholding my photos. (Yeah. I don't know what that's suppose to mean, if anything. I just felt like saying it)

SO, let's recap. I've shared the fact that I am not comfortable with putting myself out there, which is strange since I put myself out there on facebook and on here. I've stepped outside of my comfort zone, something that I promised to do more of in the new year.

Side note... when will 2013 stop being the NEW YEAR? Can I stop saying "New Year" yet? Ok. Moving along.

My wonderful cousin, who has been such a great role model to me... mother of the year, best friend of the year and wife of the year... You name it and I think she's won the award or deserves it...well, anyway she suggested that we form a group and support each other as we tackle things that are out of our comfort zone, hence the title of this post Out Of The Zone...OOTZ.

Are you the type of person that stays within your safe compartment, afraid to step out for whatever reason? Maybe there's something you've been dying to do but just can't find the courage. Well, this is the group for you. From time to time throughout the year I will post a new challenge. I want you to take part even if it's something you think you're comfortable with because you may think that you're alright with something until you do it. I thought I was alright with sharing my writing projects with someone and then found out that it scared me to the point where I couldn't sleep.

OK. So, our first task is going to be a baby step. Or at least to me. We're going to try a food that we haven't had but want to have but haven't had the courage to try. That was too many buts, but... if you've already tried lamb then find something that you haven't tried and try it because LAMB is our food to try. I don't care if you cook it or order it at a restaurant. I am cooking my lamb. It will probably be one of those things that I do while the kids are in school. A lunch for one. I'll share my recipe if that's the case. I'll be checking in with a progress report and please feel free to chime in and share your thoughts. I do look forward to hearing from you. If you would like to add a task to tackle then please share that too!

Let's do this!

NaNoWriMo

It's National Novel Writing Month! If you read my previous post you know that I am participating and have set a goal of 50,000 words which is the size of a Novel... Hence the title of the post. I have yet to finish a novel. I've had plenty of good ideas but haven't been to complete the projects I've started. This time it's a little different though. I feel as if my current work in progress has a good direction and the best part is, I'm making good time and feel as if the words are flowing out and make sense!! Bonus.

If you're participating in NaNoWriMo you should definitely read your messages on the site. I find them very inspirational and was happy to see that some big name authors have also participated over the years. It's nice to read their personal stories and reminds me that it's not alright to give up on my dreams. We have to start somewhere!

 

 

But, I think it's also important to find yourself a fellow writer who is trying to tackle this NaNoWriMo thing too. You can lean on each other when your family feels neglected and doesn't understand because lets face it... Not every husband or child gets it, this writing thing. They don't understand our passion or why we would even consider going all night, fingers to the keyboard. And that can crush a dream faster than my son can kill a weeks worth of groceries!

 

SO, Grab a friend and motivate each other!! 

Pride

Today I feel like a writer. I've asked myself what it's going to take to be a writer. College classes? Better grammar and punctuation? More free time? Approval from my peers? Someone once told me that setting deadlines for myself made me a writer, not meeting those deadlines made me a writer but I still didn't feel like  a writer.  Today, reading over what I wrote last night, I feel like a writer.

I will admit that it isn't often that I am proud of myself for things that I consider 'serious business' and I rarely toot my own horn but today I think I should just because I want to have something to read later on as a reminder of where I am in my writing.

I've taken a bit of a break from writing to focus more on finding a paying job. Apparently having money is more important than true happiness. (I'm being sarcastic)

Not being employed has taken its toll on my self esteem and at times I find myself struggling with my identity. The Mom in me tells the writer in me that she shouldn't be writing when there's laundry to be done or dishes filling the sink. And the woman in me says "Bitch, there are bills to pay! Get a job! How dare you sit at that computer and write. You don't deserve happiness if you can't feed your kids." I hate that woman.

So, I've yet to find a job. I've asked myself time and time again what I'm doing wrong, why can't I convince someone that I will be the hardest working person they have? I shake my head because I don't know and it's frustrating. So, I pour myself into the job search every morning until I can't see straight or keep up with who I've already begged, ignoring the urge to build fantasy worlds.

But, it's November and for writers worldwide that means it's time for NaNoWriMo! I've set a goal of 50,000 words, hoping to complete an entire novel in one month. Considering I have yet to finish ANYTHING I have a lot of work to do.... but I am happy to say that I have kicked that 50,000 word count square in the junk! I haven't knocked it out yet but I've given it something to think about. I'm proud of myself because what I've written speaks to me. I think it's good, possibly the best I've managed so far and I wanted to document how proud I am.

There are days when I have to convince myself that its ok to take time away from being a mom to do what makes me happy. I spend the day worrying about whether or not the kids are happy and forget that a happy mama is a healthy mama.

So, whatever it is that has hold of your heart, whatever it is that you are passionate about... Stop telling yourself that its silly. Stop justifying why you love it so much. BELIEVE in yourself and just do the damn thing! FOR YOURSELF! Be PROUD!

I'm also going to share some encouraging words that I was given a while back. A wise (somewhat insane) man once told me when I had doubt:  I try to keep this in mind; Vincent van Gogh sold only one painting in his entire life. He's considered an absolute master in his field, with only one sale. If he relied on the approval of others to keep him going he would have painted a couple of paintings and given up. He did it for himself, pleasure. That's all. 

Public Service Announcement

      This Public Service Announcement is brought to you by....

Err. Me?

   You have no idea how long I've been working on this post! My daughter has been relentless this morning. I came home, made a well balanced breakfast; eggs and toast with homemade jelly, restarted the washer (forgot about that load of socks last night! Sons of Anarchy was on!), swept the floor, took out the trash and all the while the toddler is attached to my leg screaming "Sit with me Mommy!" She needed some extra attention. So I sat with her while she played with her legos. After four minutes of me not being allowed to touch the legos I decided I had other things to do. Off to the dishes I went. She followed. This went on for several hours until I conquered every chore on my list. I allow myself a reward when it's done. I work on the blog or the facebook page I admin.....Shameless plug....If you have a facebook page/account come over and say hi at Reading Addicts.....or Jenny Phillips (author) page! Tell em' I sent ya! LIKE them! I like them!  Jenny Phillips page is a great place to show your support for an author and to hear about any upcoming books she has coming out! Reading Addicts is a good place to swap book suggestions and hear reviews.

    Speaking of reviews! That's actually why I'm here! It has been brought to my attention that most people/readers don't leave reviews after reading a book. I realize that we live in a world where it is far more common to air your bad opinion of an establishment or product than it is to say "Wow! That was great!" or "I love the folks down at the shop and save because they always greet me with a smile, even though they have four teeth between them." I want to take this opportunity to tell you how important it is for a writer to hear they've done something good!
   
    The more I write and speak with other writers the more I understand what it is all about. You pour your heart and soul into a piece of work, you release it and wait for the reviews. You want one person to give their approval. Or maybe you're the writer who could care less, either way, someone wants to know if the book was worth a look. Other readers want to know if they should be reading this book, right? If readers cease to leave a review all there will be is the sound of crickets. And even though crickets are nice to listen to while you're sitting on your deck with a cup of coffee or a beer at night, they are not a welcome noise for authors who need to know if their work is speaking to you or if they have room for improvement. Not all authors are picked up by big time publishers. That means they don't have a team of experts to give them high fives. We rely solely on our fellow writers and fans to encourage us! And maybe I'm confused about what a publishing company is suppose to do. I know there are Publishing Companies out there that are confused about what they are suppose to do..... a totally different topic which I will refrain from speaking about.  
   
    I recommended a book to a friend recently. She emailed me to say that she LOVED the book and passed it on to four more friends who all loved it too. I said "Awesome! Did you leave a review on amazon or goodreads?" and the crickets began to sing. "I don't know how to leave a review. I'm not a writer" she said. Well, Stripper (that's what we call her) you just left a review when you emailed me! Congrats! You now know how to leave a review!
   
    So, here's the thing. When I leave a review I like to share a few things. Did the book pull me in? Did it hold me there or did it roller coaster up and down? (because sometimes you're reading a book and the story drags on and then BAM! It picks up and you can't put the book down!) Readers want to know these things. Did the author make me fall in love with the characters? The author wants to know if they have built a relatable/likable/loathable character. I want to know that I was successful in making you hate a character! I try to bring to the authors attention that there are errors without being rude. I've read reviews where the reader says "Whoever edited this book should be shot" and to me, that is just rude. Please don't do that. Chances are the author is the same person that proof read, edited etc. and by making rude comments you're stomping on their dream..... Meanie Pants!

   Not everybody has time to write a review but if you're on goodreads they make it so easy to rate the book with stars! You don't have to explain why you gave it five stars but if you'd like to share you can! I love that some folks will give a book three stars and then go on to tell you why they rated it lower.

    Ok. So that is my Public Service announcement and you have no idea how many times I typed "public" and forgot the "l"......If that's any indication of how my day is going. I'm going to go read another book to the toddler and pour orange juice and protein down her throat just in case there is another cold brewing in there! Wish me luck!

  

The Book of Hadley

A sneak peak from a work in progress:

  

   Occasionally, you’ll hear women talk about how they “lost themselves”. They got married, had babies, left their job to stay home and just let who they were as an individual fall away. It happens and most of the time we don’t even know that it’s happening. Usually, we’re so swamped with being an adult that we don’t realize that we’ve lost ourselves or that it’s even a bad thing until it’s too late. We stop pursuing our dreams, cut ties with friends or forget what we stand for. Sometimes we don’t even know ourselves at all. We let someone else mold us into the punching bag or door mat; we become something we’re not. Helpless.                                                                                                                                                                  

I couldn’t tell you the exact date that I lost myself but I can tell you the date I decided I wasn’t going to be a victim anymore, I was going to be someone my daughter would look up to,no matter how tall she got.
I will never forget the day, June 18^th.  That’s when it happened, when I came to a screeching halt at the cross roads. I had to make a decision. Would I lie down and take it or stand on my own two feet and fight back?                                                                                  
For some women, facing a decision like that, the answer is obvious. Something happens in their life and they have this epiphany.They realize that their life isn’t what they want it to be. They wake up and say "I'm going to change my ways". My epiphany came in the form of a broken nose, two black eyes, a lacerated spleen, a fractured wrist, bruised kidneys and four broken ribs…..among other things.   
 
__________________________________________________________________________________

Domestic violence is something I try to campaign against. Nobody wants their loved one to encounter an abusive partner. Writing this story put me in a bad place emotionally and I had to step away for a brief period. I have finished the story but part of me second guesses it. It needs serious polishing and I'm not sure I have done Hadley justice. So, it's back to the drawing board after I take some time off to focus every brain cell on getting a job. You know, something that actually generates income. Hopes and dreams don't put gas in the car. Unfortunate, isn't it. I'd be able to go to the moon and back.

Thank you to those who support my hopes and dreams and a special thanks to those who have lent an ear. You know who you are. :)

If I were a Federal Agent....

They say "Write what you know" but I gotta tell ya, I don't know a lot.  I do watch a lot of television though! So, I feel like I know just enough to get me started. Then I do some research and fill in the blanks. Sometimes it's hard to put myself in my characters shoes....because if I were a Federal Agent, I'd probably shoot someone. Honest to chocolate. I shouldn't be trusted with a gun! I've spent many nights laying in bed watching crime shows. My family thinks I'm insane. I think I'm dedicated.

Anyway, here's another snippet. Don't laugh at it.

   “Trying to get a look at the Menu?” he jokes, giving me a sly grin. Before he can get away, I stop him, pulling a small photo out of my clutch, making sure to hide my lock pick set under a tissue. I put a set of cuffs in the clutch before leaving the office earlier but was afraid that if by some chance I opened the thing and the cuffs fell out it would look bad. I mean, who brings cuffs to singles night... This Girl!

   My Dad has taught me so much over the years. One of the things he says over and over is that everyone is a potential witness, a potential bad guy or a potential pain in the ass. I hope this guy can be an asset so I show him the photo of Mr. Big, asking if he’s seen him tonight. He takes a long look at the photo and my cleavage. When he finally shakes his head no I swear I hear rocks rattling around. I give him a sickly sweet smile, trying not to act on the fact that I feel violated by his dirty stares and ask if he would be interested in helping me out. I mean, it’s the least he can do considering how long he openly drooled over my boobs. He agrees, gives me a wink and goes on about his business.

Alrighty then. That's enough for now! Thanks for stopping in! I hope everyone is having a fantastic week so far! :)

Big Thanks

First of all, I want to send out BIG thanks to everyone who has been so supportive of me doing something I love to do.... Writing! And for those who I have sent chapters to and who have read them and made suggestions...thank you so much, it helps. Sometimes I read things so many times that I'm not really reading it as much as repeating what I've got stored in my brain.

The Evolution of Hadley Sinclair

Anyway, I realize that not everybody can do what they love to do. Single mothers or fathers get overwhelmed with family responsibilities and don't always make time for themselves. This is something I've been all too familiar with in the past. I always made excuses as to why I couldn't chase a dream or do something I truly loved to do. But the reality of it is....It wasn't the right time for me. I'm in a better place emotionally now to actually put myself first on occasion. I'm alright with letting the house fall apart around me and I don't fall apart when it does. Of course, my family wrinkles up their nose at it but my theory is: If you don't want to smell the dirty dishes, the dish rags are in the drawer by the microwave, please don't waste water!



I've recently started posting snippets of what I'm working on. My blog has had more views than ever since I've started doing this and I can't tell you how scared that made me. Yikes! Someone is reading the silly story I wrote, even if it's a paragraph at a time. The irony of it makes me laugh. Imagine a writer who is afraid to show her work. Insanity. I'll get over it with a little help from my friends.

So, here's the moral of the story, thank you for your support and kind words and if you're living a life and not doing what you love to do, take time to do it, even if you only dip your toes in.

Baby Steps...

In order to get over my fear of sharing my work, I am going to start posting snippets of my writing. Eek! Baby Steps! I can do this. Do something every day that scares the ever-loving crap out of you! Well, this is me, doing just that. Please keep in mind, I am an unseasoned writer.
Anyway, here it goes. This is the opening to a story I've been working on about a Fugitive Apprehension Agent. I'm still trying to mold her. I'm hoping she turns out to be a likeable character and I can turn it into a series. Who doesn't love a dysfunctional FBI agent?

Mercy

   

    Its nights like this that make me wish I would’ve listened to my high school counselor and enrolled in the mortuary science program at the local college after graduation. I’m sure being in that line of work would never require me to get all dressed up in this low cut blouse and skin tight jeans. The wig, I can almost tolerate because it hides my ear piece but the spiked heels are killing me and serve no purpose other than to make me look like an idiot as I try to maneuver my way across this gravel parking lot.

    I can’t wait to finish this job so I can get out of these ridiculous clothes. If it were up to me, this night would be taking a totally different route. It wouldn’t involve any sort of covert operation or spiked heels. My plan, go in, knock some heads together and leave. Leave the paperwork to the flunkies holding down the desk at the office. Simple enough.


    “Let’s hope I don’t have to run in these damn shoes,” I whisper.


   “Are you complaining?” a deep voice asks in my earpiece, reminding me that my babbling is not going unheard. I make my way into the foyer, stopping when the flow of traffic reaches a stand still. I had my heart set on reaching the bar but the human barricade in front of me no longer allows me to elbow my way through and I’ve made it as far as I can until the flow of traffic begins to move again. I never imagined that there would be this many desperate people in one place.


To be continued........

A snippet ....just a pinch

    ~Once the crowd in the foyer makes its way into the bar area, I am able to see the sign hanging above the welcome table. It says “Welcome to Singles Night, Ladies Register Here!” My stomach is doing back flips. I don’t like human interaction unless I’m holding a gun and the other person is running from me. Now that sounds like fun but what we have going on here, speed dating, sounds a lot like torture.~  A snippet from a story I'm working on

Sharing my writing is like running around a family BBQ completely naked. I can post to facebook all day about what I'm eating for dinner, what the kids are doing, if the toddler is regular.......I don't usually hold back and I know that you don't care about all of that. Anyway, I have no problem putting THAT out there. But this writing business, this is different. Sharing my stories, it makes me feel naked. So, I think if I can just put little snippets out there, maybe I will overcome this fear that people will see my stretchmarks and laugh at me..... I mean, maybe I'll overcome this fear that people will read my stories and think "Wow! This broad hasn't got a clue!"

An Imaginary Birthday Present

Ok! So, you know that I have recently taken writing seriously and during this journey I've met some new, wonderful people, authors like myself, who have either already been published or were in the process of being published. One writer in particular is the fabulous Jenny Phillips. You may have heard me mention her, she has a short in  Darklight, the  Anthology which was published by Crushing Hearts & Black Butterflies earlier this year. If you haven't gotten a copy, I would suggest you do so! It's a great way to check out different authors since it's full of a variety of different paranormal stories by various writers. Jennys story is titled The Kiss. I loved it!! You should check it out. Here's the cover for Gifted!!!

Gifted by Jenny Phillips

Now, getting back to my story........... Yesterday I got a message from Jenny asking if I would be interested in reading her book "Gifted" which will be out in August of this year. I was driving when the message came through on my phone and of course like a bad driver I read it, nearly running over a pedestrian in the process. My bad! I was so excited at the prospect of reading a book that hasn't even reached store shelves! There was a distinct "Wooooo hoooo!" coming from my Jeep as I barrelled down M-139!

After all of the kids were tucked in bed last night, I made a cup of tea and took my laptop to bed where I started reading Gifted. It was already past my bedtime but I said "Just one chapter" and then I would shut the computer down and go to sleep. One chapter ended and I said "One more!". I read and read and read until it was officially three hours into my birthday!

I know when Jenny asked me if I would be interested in reading her book, she didn't intend on it being a birthday gift but I am imagining that she did because it makes me feel special!

Ok. So, more about the book. I'm not going to give anything away but I wanted to tell you how much I'm enjoying it so you can add it to your to read list on goodreads! You're on goodreads, right? Well, look it up, they have an iphone app! It's lovely. You can keep track of what you've read, what you want to read and it's a great way to keep up with what authors are reading! I love that! Authors don't just write you know, they read too!

When I get a new book, I treat it like a new acquaintance, taking my time getting to know them before I decide whether or not I like them and want to continue giving this person or (book) a chance. It did not take me long to decide I wanted to give Gifted more of my time! I knew immediately I would want to see this through to the end and didn't want to waste time doing it! I wanted to keep reading until I was finished with the book. But, I had to sleep and today I have to renew my licence......say cheese! So, I am having a hard time not reading more of the book!

I'm currently on chapter 13 and I can't stop thinking about what is going on! I can't tell you what is going on, sorry! You'll have to wait til August! lol But, it has drawn me in and I want to know more about the characters. That's what I look for in a book, characters that I can fall in love with or even hate! I love to hate a character in a book. Call me crazy but I love it!

If you're on facebook, or you're a book lover and like to support talented individuals, do yourself a favor and check out the page for Gifted. I can't add a link because my iphone app for blogger will not let me. But, check it out! Add Gifted by Jenny Phillips on Goodreads!! And a special thanks to Jenny for letting me believe that my early viewing of her book was a GIFT!! :)