26

Let me clarify. I struggle. It's not always rainbows and moon beams for me. Everybody struggles with something. And the things that others struggle with may not be a big deal to you. How many times have you said "Wow, I can't believe so and so is getting all worked about..." and then you pushed that person away? A small issue to you can mean life and death to someone else. Maybe that person is overreacting. It doesn't matter. You could be that one person to say "I'm sorry you're struggling. I hope it gets better for you" and that could be the thing that gives them hope. Or maybe that person is the one who you've reached out to several times and they keep falling in the same hole... do them a favor. Stop reaching out, let them stand on their own.

Recently, Ann Curry, news anchor for one of the major news shows, posted on twitter asking people to get involved in 26 random acts of kindness in honour of the victims of the Sandy Hook ordeal in Newtown. She got a huge response. Many people shared their random acts on twitter, hashtag #26acts. I believe in random acts of kindness and have posted on the subject before. I've been the recipient of such an act and let me tell you, when you're a single mom with two hungry boys to feed and your paycheck barely pays the bills a random act is a blessing you'll never forget. It was an instant attitude adjustment. 

But isn't it, random acts, something that we should be doing already? I mean, I am saddened by the shooting in Newtown. I feel for the families left behind and I believe we need to keep them in mind when helping a random stranger. At the same time, we should be doing things out of the blue any day of the week for no reason at all just to prove that their are still good people who don't need a reason other than compassion.

Smile at a stranger. Hold the door open for someone and smile while you do it. A smile is the most powerful thing sometimes and the best part is, it's free. I can't pay for other people's groceries and I know that a lot of people think a random act involves handing out hundred dollar bills but not everyone can do that. So smile more. 

Zombie Christmas Card

Tomorrow I'm going to start my holiday shopping. I haven't started. Not one gift under the tree or hidden in the closet. I'm begging for trouble, I know. I will go into that store though and I will smile when someone hits me with their cart. I will smile when someone takes too long choosing something, blocking my way to the next thing on my list. I will keep my mood positive and hope that my cheery grin won't scare people who know me and never see a smile on my face. In the process, I might just turn someones day around. Or not.     

Hammer Time

If you're reading this, congratulations. You made it through the end of the world. I think it's time to question a few experts, find out why they would spread such idiocies and cause people to freak out. Sure, it's fun but really? It's the holidays. Shopping alone is enough to get people in an uproar. Advertise $20 iphones at Walmart and then only carry two per store. That's how you get people freaked out and angry! Save the end of the world shenanigans.

Anyway, My daughter started preschool this year. Kids don't always share but when they do it's always germs and sickness. In this household we've been sick for a while. One person gets it and spreads it. The plague, that's what I've named it and just when you start to feel better... Wham! Like a hammer, it hits you again. Ugh! I'm so sick of being sick. Fed up!! This is the worst the plague has hit in a very long time. Even when my oldest son got the swine flu after having surgery, the rest of us stayed healthy.

So, I was complaining to my good friend, Stripper. She's a good listener. Hardly ever has input and in the end I usually talk myself into a solution to my problem. Gotta love her. Recently when I called to rant about the plague and how sick I am of being sick she did something that made me arch an eyebrow and say "I'm sorry, did you say something?" She said "Uh yeah! You quit using antibacterial dish soap!"

I did.

I most certainly did stop using antibacterial dish soap. See, I do dishes by hand. I'm old school like that. When did I stop using it? When school started. Why did I stop using it? Because I had a coupon. I got sucked into that coupon madness and bought a bottle of fancy Dawn dish soap that boasts "Overnight soaking power" and it's not lying. Fill your sink with hot water, add a dash of Dawn Power Clean, and your dirtiest caked- on dishes. While you put away the clean dishes, let the dirty ones soak for about five minutes. The crap practically falls off of the dishes. It makes my job do much easier. Now, normally I use the orange Dawn Antibacterial dish soap. It smells good and cuts the grease. Works good but doesn't do what the Power Clean does. Buying this new stuff felt a lot like cheating. I'm sorry Dawn Antibacterial. I still love you.

So, did I rush out and buy a bottle of the trusty old faithful? No. I put bleach in my dishwater and then I proceeded to wash everything and anything that my kids have touched; doorknobs, light switches, fridge handle, microwave buttons. I even cleaned the remotes and game controllers. I normally only bleach the bathrooms on a regular basis. I use Clorox wipes on things in the rest of the house when I have them but apparently I haven't had a coupon for that so we are without. I'm sure motivated housewives do this sort of thing every other day, adding bleach to their dishwater and washing everything in sight but I'm busy writing books. I'll have to make more of an effort if I want to kill the plague.

The point of this post is to bring awareness, to tell you... my TV remotes are clean. That is all.

Last Blog Post EVER.

Well, folks.
 
If the Mayans are right the world will end on Friday and this will most likely be my last blog post ever. I know. Not cool. At all. I like gathering here, despite the fact that you are all kind of quiet. I know you're there.
 
Here's my thought though. What if the Mayans couldn't count past...wait, never mind. Clearly they could count past twelve. Dang. There goes my big epiphany. That sucks.
 
Anyway, so it's that time of the year. The Christmas tree is up, decorated and still missing a star or other tree topper. There are no gifts under the tree, mainly because there aren't any and even if there were... kids cannot be trusted. With that being said, it can be stressful but no matter what is happening, whether the dishes are over flowing or the kids are at each others throats... you woke up this morning. You're alive. Don't be mad at that. Maybe you woke up next to the love of your life or got an email or text from the one person you can count on to put a smile on your face. It's more than some people get.
 

Insert Inspirational Quote here.

There are 26 families, maybe the count is 27 now, that won't have a Merry Christmas because some psycho walked into a school and made this the worst year of their lives. It breaks my heart and really pisses me off.
 
If you follow me on facebook you might've read that someone complained about my sky photos. Ugh. Get over it. I take those pictures to remind myself that there is something beautiful in each and every day. The clouds can be grey and to me they are still beautiful. I stop, each and every day and take a photo to remind myself that life is good, life is beautiful and I am alive. I'm a survivor. It keeps me sane.
 
So, whether this is our last week on this earth or the end is nowhere in sight, stop and be thankful that you are alive. Be thankful that you'll get another email, be thankful that you had to endure snores while you tried to sleep. Before you complain about something, stop to be thankful. And sing if you know the words, dance if the words move you. If it embarrasses someone, well you're doing something right! :)

Nutella fudge

<<<<Yes, that's the start of a beautiful thing. Nutella Fudge! I searched the Internet for a recipe that I was willing to tackle. My supplies are limited so I didn't want a recipe that called for a ton of sugar and etc. Pinterest has a few recipes but they gave me the run around. It seems like I clicked on one and it took me to a site that didn't have the actual recipe for the fudge. The next link took me to a recipe but never actually told me how much I needed of each ingredient. So, after much searching I finallygave up and contacted my good friend who also makes candy and this is what she sent me.

 

    1 can sweetened condensed milk, 1 tsp of vanilla extract, 8 oz of semi-sweet chocolate chips, 1 cup of Nutella and 3 tblsp of unsalted butter. Butter spray to coat your pan. She also suggested a double boiler and parchment paper and I'll get into that in a bit but first let me tell you how bad this idea was...making fudge. It was a bad idea because now I'm home alone with a batch of Nutella fudge and I've just realized that you can drop one of these cubes in with your cup of coffee and it is a beautiful thing.

 

 

   OK. So, you've got all of your ingredients. I literally killed an entire 13 oz jar of Nutella while making this. A cup of Nutella is pretty much most of one jar and then I had to have a few spoon fulls because that's how I do it. I do not own a double boiler thingy. My Mom gave me one once a long time ago and I had no clue what to do with it. I sold it in a yard sale like an IDIOT. Last night, since I was an idiot I used a small soup pan of water and a glass mixing bowl as my double boiler. Umm, It was not my favorite thing to do because my bowl wouldn't hold still while I was stirring and I had to hold on to it when it got hot but I'm over it. It worked in the end! Now, as far as the parchment paper, I don't buy it. I'm just too cheap. And to be honest, I had no problems getting this fudge out of the pan! Trust me!

 

 

    Alright, basic run down of what you're going to need to do. In my 8x8 pan I sprayed a generous coating of my cooking spray. I used butter flavor because who wants your fudge to taste like canola or olive oil. Not me. Spray that pan and set aside. Then, combine your other ingredients. I cut my butter into small chunks to help it melt faster. So, in my soup pan I have water already warming on the stove. I placed my mixing bowl of tasty goodness on top of the pan, don't let the water touch your bowl or it will scorch your stuff! I won't lie and tell you that I stood there and watched that stuff non-stop. I stirred it, walked away, watched a few minutes of whatever the kids were watching and then stirred the stuff. It might seem like the ingredients will never smooth out but don't worry, it does! I was careful not to over heat the stuff and cause the chocolate to seize. So when it was smooth and creamy I poured the thick chocolaty goo into my 8x8 pan and spread it out. It's thick! When you have it spread out in the pan you can put it in the fridge and let it set over night or all day. I did this before bed because otherwise I would've cut into it before it was fully set.

 

 

    To make cutting it easier, I ran my knife under hot water and then cut that fudge like it was BUTTER! I used a spatula to get it out of the pan and had no problems at all. I read in other recipes that you could sprinkle a little sea salt on the top and I bet that tastes good but all I had was kosher salt so I didn't try that. I did however drop one of these cubes in a cup of plain old coffee and let me tell you, it was delicious!! I bet it's just as good in a warm mug of milk!! 

You can.

   This is a pep talk for all those people who let the mood of others dictate their happiness.

   A long time ago when I was sad and didn't know I was secretly a queen in the form of a house wife, I let someone tell me I couldn't be happy. I was never told I couldn't be happy but sometimes actions speak louder than words and being in such low opinion of myself I thought I couldn't smile or laugh or see joy in the world if that person was so unhappy.

   I've learned a lot since then.

   The only person I can be mad at now is me. I allowed myself to get pulled into that unhappiness. I wasted a lot of years walking on eggshells. I had plenty of people telling me it was alright to laugh and seek happiness. I didn't listen. And then it was as if a switch was turned on and I saw the light. 

   It's ok. LAUGH. SMILE. DO SOMETHING FUN. ENJOY THE GIFT YOU'VE BEEN GIVEN (life). Don't give up on yourself!! I know times get tough. Believe me, I know!! But it boils down to this. You only have so much time. Do you want to spend it in the best way possible or crap it all away? If you want to make the best of the time you have then put a smile on that face and find something that makes you happy! Stop waiting for someone to give you permission. Be a Boss!

NaNoWriMo

It's National Novel Writing Month! If you read my previous post you know that I am participating and have set a goal of 50,000 words which is the size of a Novel... Hence the title of the post. I have yet to finish a novel. I've had plenty of good ideas but haven't been to complete the projects I've started. This time it's a little different though. I feel as if my current work in progress has a good direction and the best part is, I'm making good time and feel as if the words are flowing out and make sense!! Bonus.

If you're participating in NaNoWriMo you should definitely read your messages on the site. I find them very inspirational and was happy to see that some big name authors have also participated over the years. It's nice to read their personal stories and reminds me that it's not alright to give up on my dreams. We have to start somewhere!

 

 

But, I think it's also important to find yourself a fellow writer who is trying to tackle this NaNoWriMo thing too. You can lean on each other when your family feels neglected and doesn't understand because lets face it... Not every husband or child gets it, this writing thing. They don't understand our passion or why we would even consider going all night, fingers to the keyboard. And that can crush a dream faster than my son can kill a weeks worth of groceries!

 

SO, Grab a friend and motivate each other!! 

Pride

Today I feel like a writer. I've asked myself what it's going to take to be a writer. College classes? Better grammar and punctuation? More free time? Approval from my peers? Someone once told me that setting deadlines for myself made me a writer, not meeting those deadlines made me a writer but I still didn't feel like  a writer.  Today, reading over what I wrote last night, I feel like a writer.

I will admit that it isn't often that I am proud of myself for things that I consider 'serious business' and I rarely toot my own horn but today I think I should just because I want to have something to read later on as a reminder of where I am in my writing.

I've taken a bit of a break from writing to focus more on finding a paying job. Apparently having money is more important than true happiness. (I'm being sarcastic)

Not being employed has taken its toll on my self esteem and at times I find myself struggling with my identity. The Mom in me tells the writer in me that she shouldn't be writing when there's laundry to be done or dishes filling the sink. And the woman in me says "Bitch, there are bills to pay! Get a job! How dare you sit at that computer and write. You don't deserve happiness if you can't feed your kids." I hate that woman.

So, I've yet to find a job. I've asked myself time and time again what I'm doing wrong, why can't I convince someone that I will be the hardest working person they have? I shake my head because I don't know and it's frustrating. So, I pour myself into the job search every morning until I can't see straight or keep up with who I've already begged, ignoring the urge to build fantasy worlds.

But, it's November and for writers worldwide that means it's time for NaNoWriMo! I've set a goal of 50,000 words, hoping to complete an entire novel in one month. Considering I have yet to finish ANYTHING I have a lot of work to do.... but I am happy to say that I have kicked that 50,000 word count square in the junk! I haven't knocked it out yet but I've given it something to think about. I'm proud of myself because what I've written speaks to me. I think it's good, possibly the best I've managed so far and I wanted to document how proud I am.

There are days when I have to convince myself that its ok to take time away from being a mom to do what makes me happy. I spend the day worrying about whether or not the kids are happy and forget that a happy mama is a healthy mama.

So, whatever it is that has hold of your heart, whatever it is that you are passionate about... Stop telling yourself that its silly. Stop justifying why you love it so much. BELIEVE in yourself and just do the damn thing! FOR YOURSELF! Be PROUD!

I'm also going to share some encouraging words that I was given a while back. A wise (somewhat insane) man once told me when I had doubt:  I try to keep this in mind; Vincent van Gogh sold only one painting in his entire life. He's considered an absolute master in his field, with only one sale. If he relied on the approval of others to keep him going he would have painted a couple of paintings and given up. He did it for himself, pleasure. That's all.