Undecided

This is a parenting post...In case you were expecting something writing related. I don't want to disappoint you by rambling on about the toddler. You've been warned but don't worry. This is not about constipation. I've posted about that before and a few people complained. It happens, get over yourself.


Moving on......


The toddler. Miss E. Her royal highness. She has many names here at the Imperfectionists Guide. She's three years old.....Is she still a toddler? Anyway, doesn't matter. Lately, she has decided that she is indeed, a BOY! At first, I thought "Well, we haven't explained to her what makes boys and girls different." and now that we've told her over and over that she is a girl, she still insists that she is a boy. Actually, she gets very upset if you try to tell her otherwise.


This is where I unveil my true identity......I'm a selfish Mama. I want my baby girl, the pretty little princess that likes to wear pigtails and cute frilly outfits and sparkly shoes. I have two teenage boys. I've always been outnumbered and it would be great to have my sweet baby girl to paint toenails with.


But, then there's the side of me that wants a child who is happy with her own identity or comfortable in her own skin. I don't want her to feel awkward at all. Being a kid, nowadays, is hard enough.

And as I write this, she is changing her clothes yet again, something more girly, complete with sequined hat! I don't ask if she's a boy or girl today. I just go with the flow, skaking my head and smiling.

Some days she brings me the hair brush and ponytail holder and asks me to put her hair up. Other days she refuses to let me because she says "Boys don't wear their hair up!" I feel like I live with someone with multiple personalities!

When I was a teenager I pierced my nose with a very large safety pin. Yikes! My Mom was furious and refused to look at me while I had the tiny gold ball in my nose. I didn't do it because my friends thought it was cool. I did it because it felt right (nevermind the fact that it hurt like hell)! I don't know how many times people stopped and asked me "Why?" and at that age, 16 or 17, I had no idea to explain to people that I did it because I wanted to. Most people didn't understand that concept. They only understood "right and wrong" or what was acceptable. My Mom, being the super MOM that she is told me to keep the hideous gold ball but she wasn't happy about it. Eventually, it ran its course and I took it out, only to repierce my nose many many years later! It's who I am. I have tattoos and I wouldn't change it for anything. I don't mind being different.

So, here I am, with a daughter who is undecided on her gender. Or is she? Maybe she's surrounded by so many boys that she has taken on thier identity, fitting in with the crowd. Maybe Mama needs to wear more dresses and makeup! lol Maybe like me and my nose piercing, she will grow out of it and take it back up when she's an unhappy adult! We will see! :)

If I were a Federal Agent....

They say "Write what you know" but I gotta tell ya, I don't know a lot.  I do watch a lot of television though! So, I feel like I know just enough to get me started. Then I do some research and fill in the blanks. Sometimes it's hard to put myself in my characters shoes....because if I were a Federal Agent, I'd probably shoot someone. Honest to chocolate. I shouldn't be trusted with a gun! I've spent many nights laying in bed watching crime shows. My family thinks I'm insane. I think I'm dedicated.

Anyway, here's another snippet. Don't laugh at it.

   “Trying to get a look at the Menu?” he jokes, giving me a sly grin. Before he can get away, I stop him, pulling a small photo out of my clutch, making sure to hide my lock pick set under a tissue. I put a set of cuffs in the clutch before leaving the office earlier but was afraid that if by some chance I opened the thing and the cuffs fell out it would look bad. I mean, who brings cuffs to singles night... This Girl!

   My Dad has taught me so much over the years. One of the things he says over and over is that everyone is a potential witness, a potential bad guy or a potential pain in the ass. I hope this guy can be an asset so I show him the photo of Mr. Big, asking if he’s seen him tonight. He takes a long look at the photo and my cleavage. When he finally shakes his head no I swear I hear rocks rattling around. I give him a sickly sweet smile, trying not to act on the fact that I feel violated by his dirty stares and ask if he would be interested in helping me out. I mean, it’s the least he can do considering how long he openly drooled over my boobs. He agrees, gives me a wink and goes on about his business.

Alrighty then. That's enough for now! Thanks for stopping in! I hope everyone is having a fantastic week so far! :)

I'm Over It

Ok. I'm over it! The kids are happy, we have food in the cupboards and clothes on our back. That's all that matters. So I have to continue to drive the kids to school.....big deal. It's disappointing but I'll take it as it is and keep moving. It could always be worse!

So, here's a pretty picture to say thank you for listening to me whine!! lol! Tomorrow is a new day! Right?

Totally bummed out!

Well. We didn't get the good news I was hoping for. Let me explain.

I went through a divorce a few years ago and as a last resort moved about 20 minutes away from my sons school, the school they've attended their entire life! The plan didn't seem too bad at the time. I would only have to drive them back and forth to school every other week since my ex and I agreed on shared custody. I didn't want to pull them out of their school and send them to a new one so close to graduation. But less than a year later the ex moved to another state and I began driving the boys full time.

This made getting a job very hard and still, I'm unemployed. So this last year I decided something had to be done. I can't continue to drive the boys or be unemployed. The toddler needs to be in preschool and there are none in our immediate area that won't break the bank or are decent for that matter!

Anyway! I found a house near the boys school and a respectable affordable preschool! The house has more room! It was perfect. We made a solid offer, actually offered more money!

We were outbid and I'm so bummed! So now we are back to square one. And before you say there are more houses ..... This house was priced so far below market value that it's not often something like this comes up! It needed minor work but nothing we couldn't handle!

But on a positive note, we now have trim in the house we're in now because we thought we might be selling it! Lol!

Big Thanks

First of all, I want to send out BIG thanks to everyone who has been so supportive of me doing something I love to do.... Writing! And for those who I have sent chapters to and who have read them and made suggestions...thank you so much, it helps. Sometimes I read things so many times that I'm not really reading it as much as repeating what I've got stored in my brain.

The Evolution of Hadley Sinclair

Anyway, I realize that not everybody can do what they love to do. Single mothers or fathers get overwhelmed with family responsibilities and don't always make time for themselves. This is something I've been all too familiar with in the past. I always made excuses as to why I couldn't chase a dream or do something I truly loved to do. But the reality of it is....It wasn't the right time for me. I'm in a better place emotionally now to actually put myself first on occasion. I'm alright with letting the house fall apart around me and I don't fall apart when it does. Of course, my family wrinkles up their nose at it but my theory is: If you don't want to smell the dirty dishes, the dish rags are in the drawer by the microwave, please don't waste water!



I've recently started posting snippets of what I'm working on. My blog has had more views than ever since I've started doing this and I can't tell you how scared that made me. Yikes! Someone is reading the silly story I wrote, even if it's a paragraph at a time. The irony of it makes me laugh. Imagine a writer who is afraid to show her work. Insanity. I'll get over it with a little help from my friends.

So, here's the moral of the story, thank you for your support and kind words and if you're living a life and not doing what you love to do, take time to do it, even if you only dip your toes in.

Baby Steps...

In order to get over my fear of sharing my work, I am going to start posting snippets of my writing. Eek! Baby Steps! I can do this. Do something every day that scares the ever-loving crap out of you! Well, this is me, doing just that. Please keep in mind, I am an unseasoned writer.
Anyway, here it goes. This is the opening to a story I've been working on about a Fugitive Apprehension Agent. I'm still trying to mold her. I'm hoping she turns out to be a likeable character and I can turn it into a series. Who doesn't love a dysfunctional FBI agent?

Mercy

   

    Its nights like this that make me wish I would’ve listened to my high school counselor and enrolled in the mortuary science program at the local college after graduation. I’m sure being in that line of work would never require me to get all dressed up in this low cut blouse and skin tight jeans. The wig, I can almost tolerate because it hides my ear piece but the spiked heels are killing me and serve no purpose other than to make me look like an idiot as I try to maneuver my way across this gravel parking lot.

    I can’t wait to finish this job so I can get out of these ridiculous clothes. If it were up to me, this night would be taking a totally different route. It wouldn’t involve any sort of covert operation or spiked heels. My plan, go in, knock some heads together and leave. Leave the paperwork to the flunkies holding down the desk at the office. Simple enough.


    “Let’s hope I don’t have to run in these damn shoes,” I whisper.


   “Are you complaining?” a deep voice asks in my earpiece, reminding me that my babbling is not going unheard. I make my way into the foyer, stopping when the flow of traffic reaches a stand still. I had my heart set on reaching the bar but the human barricade in front of me no longer allows me to elbow my way through and I’ve made it as far as I can until the flow of traffic begins to move again. I never imagined that there would be this many desperate people in one place.


To be continued........

A snippet ....just a pinch

    ~Once the crowd in the foyer makes its way into the bar area, I am able to see the sign hanging above the welcome table. It says “Welcome to Singles Night, Ladies Register Here!” My stomach is doing back flips. I don’t like human interaction unless I’m holding a gun and the other person is running from me. Now that sounds like fun but what we have going on here, speed dating, sounds a lot like torture.~  A snippet from a story I'm working on

Sharing my writing is like running around a family BBQ completely naked. I can post to facebook all day about what I'm eating for dinner, what the kids are doing, if the toddler is regular.......I don't usually hold back and I know that you don't care about all of that. Anyway, I have no problem putting THAT out there. But this writing business, this is different. Sharing my stories, it makes me feel naked. So, I think if I can just put little snippets out there, maybe I will overcome this fear that people will see my stretchmarks and laugh at me..... I mean, maybe I'll overcome this fear that people will read my stories and think "Wow! This broad hasn't got a clue!"

The Wonderful World of Why

I, somehow, survived the Wonderful World of Why with my two boys.

What is that, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. If you have kids you already know this and you're smiling. You know that a child will typically ask "Why" a million times........in one day! Am I right?

My toddler is right around the corner from the Wonderful World of Why right now. I can hardly wait to visit it with her (insert parental sarcasm). She's going to be fun. She is too smart for the blow-off answers. I know this already.

Yesterday, she asked if we could go to McDonald's for a happy meal. I told her no. She wasn't hearing that. "Please! Please! Please!" she begged. I tried to turn up the radio to drown her out. (Bad Mama) It didn't work. I was running out of will power and had to come up with something super quick, before we drove past the local McD's.

"McDonald's is closed! The stove is broken" I said, as we passed a full McDonald's parking lot. I bit my lower lip and hoped she would let it go, move on to something else.

 Nope!

"Mama! They're not closed. Look at the cars!" she cried.

She cried!!! What was I suppose to do? Ugh!

I was weak. It doesn't happen often. Don't judge me!

Anyway, apparently, my 15 year old is still traveling through the Wonderful World of Why. I was snapping pictures of the toddler in the driveway. I like to lay in the driveway with my iphone and snap pictures while she plays with sidewalk chalk. Yes, I said "I lay in the driveway". Again, don't judge. He asked me "Why are you always taking pictures? You take pictures of EVERYTHING!"

He's right! I do! I take pictures of things that other people don't pay attention to, or would not care the least bit if it no longer existed tomorrow.

Why? It's simple. Because I can and I want to. It makes me happy. I do it because I want to hold on to these things forever. I want to hold on to the beautiful rose bush that grows along our driveway. But what is it about having to justify our decisions to people that drives me crazy or makes me second guess myself? I know I'm not alone, a lot of people do it too. Someone questions why we wear our hair a certain way and BAM! Now you wonder if you look horrible. Forget what they think! If you are happy doing it, then do it! Make yourself happy. It's all part of loving yourself. You have to love yourself!!! Don't ask why! Do it.