Diet....my 4 letter word.

I never talk about my weight.

There's a reason for that. I don't like to.

I don't like to see myself in mirrors unless it's from the neck up and some days that's pushing it. That made trying on wedding dresses a bit difficult.  My best friend use to force me to stand in the full size mirror at her house. The first time she did it, I cried like a baby. I just couldn't stand to look at my size 12 frame. Size 12. Wow. I would love to be a size 12 again. She just wanted me to see myself as a beautiful person. I didn't listen. I was in shape back then. I walked about 2 miles a day, played with the kids in the yard and stayed pretty active. Now, active means carrying a laundry basket from one end of the house to the other. The most walking I do is at the grocery store and that's not much.

When I went through my break from the ex husband I dropped almost 40 pounds. It was a dangerous weight loss. 40 pounds in about 2 months. Between the throwing up, the not eating and the adrenaline.....I was losing weight at a rapid pace and it was unhealthy. I can't remember ever being so skinny.

I got pregnant with my daughter, put on some weight, stayed within the limit the doc gave me, gave birth to my daughter and lost a little bit of the weight. And now, 3 years later, I weigh the same as I did the day I gave birth to her.

I can't give you a number......I can't bring myself to say it.

Saying it kills me. I can't even fit into my fat pants. I feel heavy. I feel slow. I feel pretty confident that if a serial killer was chasing me, I wouldn't stand a chance! I was out of breathe taking the stairs at a friends house the other day. I don't like feeling this way.

So, I'm announcing, for the first time in my life, I'm going on a DIET! And I'm starting a workout routine. The workout routine is the first thing......the diet will come after......just as soon as I buy groceries again.....wow! That sounded like an excuse! That's my problem. I'm full of excuses! No more! Don't let me make one more excuse for not living the best life I can. I'm setting an example for my kids. I want them to live a long time and I plan on living long enough to become a burden to them......at the rate I'm going that will be age 45! I don't want to be the Mom who has a stroke or heart attack when my daughter is still in elementary school! So, I'm making this change. Stay tuned for the master plan.