I'd like to apologize

I've been away for a while. Not on vacation. Not sick, although I haven't felt the best lately. I've been preoccupied with wedding and kid related things. It's summer and even though the teenagers can pretty much fend for themselves, the toddler cannot and she seems to be more of an attention grabber than usual lately! She has a flair for the dramatic just like me. SO sometimes we clash. The computer comes on and she can hear it from 100 yards away! Lord forbid I actually sit and do something that isn't related to her happiness. It's a constant battle with us. I see that she is happy with something so I start working on a project or blogging. She sees this and immediately walks over, grabs my hand and leads me away from what I'm doing. I don't like it. It reminds me of my former life. So, I've started putting my foot down and refusing to give in. I've tried to get her involved with something crafty at the table with me. Make her feel like she is a part of my big distraction. Then she gets bored and leaves me alone. It works most of the time! It all works out and I feel good, she feels good. But then there are times when I feel so bad for wanting something that isn't child related. I know that those of you who don't have kids are thinking "Oh shut up and be happy that you have a kid to get lost in!". Yeah I get it! I'm blessed and I know that but I miss myself! Do you know what I'm saying? I wouldn't give up my kids for anything in the world but I really miss being able to finish a project the same day I start it. And when I am refusing to walk away from a project and the toddler is throwing a fit I want to apologize to her for wanting something that doesn't revolve around her but I just can't. I know the toddler will turn into a teenage girl at some point. A fact that scares the hell out of me! So, I should love the time I get with her now when she wants nothing more than to serve me tea at her little table in the living room or to rush me through the same book over and over and over and over and when I try to make up my own story because I am so tired of the one I've read a million times, she will call me out and make me read it the right way! One of these days, I'll be lost in a project wishing that my child was lost in me again. Don't worry! I'll bitch about that too! Promise.